Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello and welcome back to another episode of the podcast.
[00:00:04] Speaker B: Hello.
[00:00:05] Speaker A: I should have said the consciously thriving podcast.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that's what threw me off.
[00:00:10] Speaker A: Okay, blame me, blame me.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: We had to refilm the welcome.
[00:00:14] Speaker A: We had to refilm the welcome. We had to refilm the intro.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: That's my specialty. Blaming you and not taking responsibility.
[00:00:20] Speaker A: Yeah, we're just joking. She actually does take responsibility. But I don't. We just have a laugh because Shule's got a really like strong personality in.
[00:00:28] Speaker B: No, that used to be my biggest.
[00:00:30] Speaker A: Thing that you've had to work through.
[00:00:31] Speaker B: Yeah, not taking responsibility. That would actually be my. That was my thing.
[00:00:35] Speaker A: A hundred and ten percent. Like it was the most absurd things and you'd think you're having a laugh. But she was serious. Especially with Daniel like back in the day.
[00:00:43] Speaker B: I'm just genuinely felt like it was his.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: No, everything was his fault. And I'm just like. That cannot actually be a logical thing that you think.
[00:00:50] Speaker B: My mum does it now she does it like she cannot sit things as her fault. Like she just always sees.
[00:00:58] Speaker A: It's not even about seeing it as your fault. It's about seeing where you also contributed to that. That's what's like funny. Do you know what I mean? But it's like, it's like if I remember one time. This is so funny. This is. This is old Chile, guys. But we were going to a restaurant and I don't know, I feel like every. Because she is glued and free and it's like it was like always Daniel's responsible responsibility. I don't know, it was just like there's one time that happened. I can't remember exactly what happened. So this story is actually quite point. But you had. We were looking for a gluten free place or whatever and I don't know they didn't have something gluten free or whatever. And somehow it was Daniel's fault. Even though she's the one that probably needs to double check. She's the one that's actually responsible. I don't even know the severity thing of it. I remember sitting there like is this a joking moment? She actually serious and Daniel's like, what?
It was so many years ago. So many years ago.
[00:01:57] Speaker B: I literally have no memory of this whatsoever.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: But it was like.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: I can't tell you.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: I think he knew that it wasn't his responsibility. But it was just like funny because he just used to blame. Because it's just easier.
[00:02:05] Speaker B: I blamed everyone.
[00:02:07] Speaker A: Or if we missed a turn or something like no one told me.
Always, like, she'd miss a turn and be like, why didn't you guys tell me?
[00:02:14] Speaker B: Like, seriously, it's your fault.
No, it was my specialty, literally.
[00:02:20] Speaker A: So now, like, it happens. Like, it's a joke. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: Now whenever I do that, it's.
[00:02:26] Speaker A: She understands how she was also responsible in the situation.
[00:02:31] Speaker B: Maybe. Maybe not.
[00:02:33] Speaker A: Maybe not. No.
[00:02:34] Speaker B: No. What are we going to talk about today?
[00:02:36] Speaker A: Actually, that's funny that we're talking about responsible and taking accountability and responsibility, because today's episode's on some of the crazy things that we've navigated since this.
[00:02:47] Speaker B: You know what? You're like a fucking commercial. Like, you know what I mean? Like, like, not a commercial, but I feel like, do you get my energy?
You're like.
[00:02:56] Speaker A: Like a. I get what you say. Like a tv. Yeah. I don't know, like, the way that.
[00:03:00] Speaker B: You transition into things.
[00:03:02] Speaker A: My Gemini brain is really. It really is.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: You're like, oh, and then let's wrap it up into this.
[00:03:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, let's tie it in. No, honestly, this is what. If you're a Gemini, you'll understand, like, if I'm in social situations, like, I'm the best filler in the room when. For, like, awkward silences and things like that.
[00:03:16] Speaker B: I love it when I'm tired and I have to socialize, and Nadia's coming with me because I shut the up and I'll just add an occasional.
[00:03:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Carry the conversation.
[00:03:27] Speaker B: Yeah, it's the best. I love it.
[00:03:29] Speaker A: It is funny. But, yeah, I'm really good at. Yeah. Like, filling in spaces. But anyway, going back to what we were saying, like, it ties in today's episode because we want to talk about some of our crazy experiences, and it kind of links to. In these crazy experiences, how we kind of take responsibility for, like, not what's happened, because it's like, those things were genuine. We were victims in these situations, but taking responsibility for our emotions and the part that we need to play in.
[00:03:59] Speaker B: Would you say we're victims?
[00:04:01] Speaker A: No. No, not really. No, not. Well, maybe a couple things you went through.
[00:04:06] Speaker B: But one thing, I don't really see it as, like, a victim.
[00:04:09] Speaker A: What I mean by saying victim, as in saying, like, it doesn't necessarily mean what happened to you was nice. Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, like, that's what I mean by victim. So, like, not actual victim. Yeah. Yeah. Like, poor. I'm not, like, using it in that. But, like, you were in a situation where someone from the outside could actually just Be like, well, that wasn't very nice if that happened to you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, you actually were in a victim situation, but you made it not like that. You didn't feed it.
[00:04:34] Speaker B: I didn't see it as.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: You didn't see it as that. So that's what. A little disclaimer. You know, sometimes the word victim can be a little bit intense.
[00:04:41] Speaker B: But, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that description is good. But, yeah, I'm excited to do this. Like, a little bit of tea on some of the things that we've navigated. Do you want to kick us off?
[00:04:51] Speaker A: Me?
[00:04:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:52] Speaker A: Because I've held the conversation. You want to just throw it to me?
[00:04:55] Speaker B: I just think. Keep going.
[00:04:56] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. So one of the first things that I reckon we can talk about that time, and this is this. I just want to put this out there. This is just purely to give you insight into how we navigated it. And it's like, I genuinely think, like, especially in this example that I'm about to give, I don't even think that what they. What they did was that bad. But it's like you could interpret it as that bad if you really wanted to play into victim. What do you think?
[00:05:21] Speaker B: What do you. What story is it? Which one is it?
[00:05:23] Speaker A: It's when the coach, like, I asked a question.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: No, I think that was fucked.
[00:05:27] Speaker A: You think? I do.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: I really do. It was the way in which it.
[00:05:31] Speaker A: Was done, the energy in which it was done.
[00:05:33] Speaker B: It was the way in which it was done and it was the type of content that was created after it. That was a bit fucked.
[00:05:40] Speaker A: Right. I think, like, there's multiple ways you can look at it. So let's just actually explain what happened. All right?
[00:05:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: So I was in a membership with a coach who is a absolutely amazing. I actually. Incredible coach, Incredible coach. Have nothing but nice things to say about her. She's really, really great. She is very direct and forward, but that's who she is. And I particularly enjoy that energy. So maybe some people don't. And I think that's a you problem.
[00:06:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:05] Speaker A: But, like, I think one of the good things about our personalities is we're.
[00:06:09] Speaker B: Able to take things seriously.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: We don't take things seriously and understand everyone's going to be different. So, like, especially when you're being mentored and things like that, like, it's really important to understand people have different ways of communicating their delivery style. And. Yeah, anyway, she is super direct. She's not for everyone. But I valued it and I like being told Straight out, like, this is your shadow. This is what's going on. Anyway, we were. I was in a membership, and we were basically being prompted to ask this person questions that we wanted answered. And one of the. What was the question I asked? I think the question that I put in the group chat was about trusting yourself. Yeah. And she came back with, like, a pretty, like, straightforward, I would say, blunt but direct response. And I was like, yep, fair enough. Like, I can't remember what the response was. And then the next day, they had created a reel which says. Which was basically captioned, I think, don't ask.
[00:07:06] Speaker B: Like, stupid.
[00:07:07] Speaker A: Don't ask dumb questions with the question.
[00:07:11] Speaker B: Like, so no way. You just laughed when you said that with the question that she asked in the. The thing the day before?
[00:07:18] Speaker A: No, it was like, what you look like when you ask dumb questions? No, what you look for. Look like. No, I asked a question about trusting yourself. And basically the caption, like, the. The thing was like, actually look like. And they were like, it was like a clown face. I don't even remember, like, maybe like a clown face or whatever, what you look like when you ask questions about trusting yourself. Right. And then in the caption, it said, I want you to stop asking dumb questions or something like that.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: Right.
[00:07:44] Speaker A: And all they were trying to do was, like, make a statement about, like, ask better questions. And, like, I can understand where that energy comes in. Like, you know, sometimes I have those thoughts to myself of, like, maybe I need to ask better questions instead of, like, asking questions I already know the answers to the patterns that I'm in and blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean?
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Well, that's the purpose of telling the story right now. Right. So we're like, we're very much the people that. It's like, okay, cool. We're going like. Like, that's a pretty insane situation to be in where it's like, I always make content about the stuff that I talk about with my clients, even things that I navigate with them. I'm always telling stories on here. Right. But I will never do it in a way where I'm like, I've just had a conversation with that person, like, the day before. Like, the day before. And then I'm, like, going online and creating content.
[00:08:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:33] Speaker B: In a way, I just felt like it was very kind of like, it felt like bullying.
[00:08:40] Speaker A: Yeah, it can be. That felt like.
[00:08:42] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm like, going to be straight out. That felt like bullying. That was really intense.
[00:08:45] Speaker A: That was the other thing as well.
[00:08:47] Speaker B: Like, so, like, everyone would know that that was you. That was about you. Everyone in that membership would know that.
[00:08:52] Speaker A: That that was about you. And I'm trying to, like, look at, like, because I don't. Because I've done a lot of work for myself and I'm. I genuinely mean, when I was in this experience, I was not taken.
[00:09:01] Speaker B: Like, she was fine.
[00:09:02] Speaker A: No, I was not.
[00:09:03] Speaker B: Like, she was fine.
[00:09:04] Speaker A: I was just, like, I laughed, but I saw it and I was like.
[00:09:08] Speaker B: That'S a bit mean.
[00:09:10] Speaker A: Sorry I asked that question. Yeah. And I genuinely was struggling with trusting myself at this point. Yeah. And I think, like, maybe the question could have. Yeah. Anyway, I did need a bit of a kick in the ass. So I liked her response.
[00:09:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:24] Speaker A: Like, I actually liked it. Yeah. Direct called me out on my bullshit. But then saying, like, I was asking dumb questions, like, I just took it too far.
[00:09:33] Speaker B: I don't know. It was just, like, going online. It was the way that it was. It was insane. I obviously don't want to describe it because I don't want, you know, people to find it.
[00:09:40] Speaker A: No, no, no.
[00:09:41] Speaker B: But, like, I, like, it was like the content that was created. It was just. It was rude. It was mean.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: It was mean. It was bull.
[00:09:47] Speaker B: It was bullying.
[00:09:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:09:48] Speaker B: In my opinion, it felt like it.
[00:09:50] Speaker A: Yeah. It felt like, maybe you don't need to do that. Yeah.
[00:09:53] Speaker B: But I get it. I get the point behind it. I get this person's personality. I get it. And I. I appreciate the message.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: I get that. Yeah.
[00:10:03] Speaker B: And I just think there was a better execution.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Maybe a bit of an execution. Yeah.
[00:10:07] Speaker B: A better execution of how she was trying to get that message across. But then, I don't know, like, maybe, like, it caused an emotional response. Maybe she actually got what she needed out of that.
[00:10:16] Speaker A: Yeah. But it wasn't an emotional response as in, like, oh, I learned something from that.
[00:10:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: It was kind of made me just go, okay, maybe you did. I. I genuinely. This is what I'm gonna go into, like, how I handled the situation.
But basically something that I also understand from her perspective was someone had actually posted in the chat, like, a week later, like, how do you go about, like, making content about, like, people. The questions, like, people ask. I think someone in the group chat had seen that post, had asked her, because they probably thought, wow, that's, like, she had done it. Like, what they were, like, trying to get their thought process on, like, how do you create con? Like, what. Like, how do you do that? And she was. And she said, like, I don't ever make content about, like, a Specific person. Because I only make it if I know it's been asked quite a few times. So that was like, her way of being like, it wasn't about. It wasn't about me. I didn't ask her this, I swear to God, because I don't. I did not care. Like, I was. For two seconds, I laughed and was like, oh, okay.
[00:11:17] Speaker B: She actually did. Nadia's response was so funny. And then she was just like. She was like. She. She said that. She's like, this one's about me. Yeah, that's about me. You know, she's totally fine with it.
[00:11:28] Speaker A: And I really do have a lot of respect for this coach, and I think she's absolutely amazing. Yes. Maybe I would have gone around that personally, but, like, I'm still gonna get into details around the mindset that I hold with it. Yeah. But yeah, someone had asked her basically, like, how. How did you. Like, how do you do that? And then she had said, like, that I'm like, well, that's a fair enough, like, response in that sense. Yeah, obviously.
[00:11:49] Speaker B: And I'm sure it was.
[00:11:50] Speaker A: That was her way of being like, I don't make content about specific people. I make content about, like, questions. I get asked a lot. Which brings me back to the mindset I hold. So when I saw it, I was like. I laughed and I was like, oh, that's about me or whatever, but not one part of me. And this is really, really, really, really important to understand. Not one part of me. One made that mean something about myself. I not make it about myself. Is. There was not one part of me that genuinely felt dumb for asking that. Yeah, right. I didn't actually think she was being like, you're dumb ass. Like, you're. How. That was the dumbest thing. I think that was just her way of just being like, ask, like, better questions or whatever. And do you get what I'm saying? So it's like she.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: What she was saying about that question was very true.
[00:12:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Just saying, like, you know, if you want to actually do this business, if you actually want to see success, like, basically, like, they're gonna be moments where you don't trust yourself and you're gonna have to take risks. That's what she was trying to, like, get out. Yeah, that post. And it's really important to.
If you are someone who's being mentored, because I see this, aligned people are very sensitive. People are very offended. Easily take things the wrong way. Like, if you notice that you are that person, or even if you're listening to this story and thought, fuck, if my coach had made that post about me or whatever, I would have, like, taken that the wrong way or whatever. I think, like, it's an opportunity to really, like, start sitting with yourself on your ability to see things from multiple perspectives. But also, like, listen to when you're having an emotional response to something, what likes, coming up about you? Like, what's your part? Like, what are you making this situation mean something about you? Because I could have gone into, like, I'm dumb. I shouldn't have act like, that's so embarrassing. But I didn't because I don't actually believe those things about myself. Yeah. You know what I mean?
[00:13:35] Speaker B: And I love that, like, your. Your mindset when it happened, this, you taking responsibility for your bit to play in it and just like, not. Not taking it on.
[00:13:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: And you were able to really separate yourself from it and be like, I get it. Like, she's creating content because she's inspired to talk about something. You're not going to take it personally.
[00:13:52] Speaker A: And I also want to preface, like, this does not mean I'm saying, like, take shit from thing. And like, if someone's actually treating you like shit or being nasty, but, like, I didn't actually have that experience, experience with this person and they don't actually believe that that person is nasty or whatever. And I'm like, who knows? Like, if I had more instances where it happened often or whatever, I might be like, okay, like, maybe this is a. Maybe this is like crossing the line of bullying or whatever. But yeah, it wasn't enough for me to, you know, like, I saw my part in it and then I have my own opinion on the situation. Would I do that? No. But, like, that's also her way of doing it. Do I think maybe she.
Yeah, it could have worded it a little bit different. Maybe not being so. What's the word?
I just think. I just think that it's like, this is where you cross the line as well. Because it's like, you don't want to get into this phase of, like, having to please everyone that's sensitive to it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, I think there can be moments where, you know, people say things that aren't the nicest. And it can. You can, because you're in this world of taking responsibility for your own self. You can gaslight yourself to being like, that's not mean. But I think I'm genuinely that person. Like, if someone's done something mean, I know the fine line between, no, that's actually rude and bullying versus, like, I'm taking that too seriously. Does that make sense?
[00:15:14] Speaker B: You know, the more we talk about this, the more I kind of feel like, well, it's not bad.
[00:15:19] Speaker A: It's not that bad. It wasn't that bad. I feel like I don't think it as it's not that bad, but I just think that there is. Yeah, it wasn't that bad, but I just can see how the ego can take it that wrong way. So basically it does. It's not even about that. It's actually not about whether what that post was bad or good or fine or whatever. What it is actually about is, like, if you are in a situation, it's important to always come back down to remembering, like, why am I triggered by this? Like, what's this saying about myself? And then from that place, when you can work out why you're triggered, then you can kind of distinguish between, okay, maybe that wasn't that nice, but I don't actually believe what they're saying versus, like, I'm just being way too sensitive with that. And it's because I maybe have some belief in what they're saying.
[00:16:04] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, true that.
[00:16:06] Speaker A: Yeah. So again, has nothing to do with it, about whether they've done it right or wrong or whatever. It's really about the perspective you hold.
[00:16:15] Speaker B: Yeah. For sure.
[00:16:16] Speaker A: Fun times.
[00:16:17] Speaker B: Fun times. I remember when that happened.
[00:16:19] Speaker A: Yeah. But, yeah, sometimes this is good to have this conversation because sometimes you actually look at the situation like, wasn't that bad.
[00:16:26] Speaker B: I keep going back and forth because I'm like, it wasn't. It wasn't.
[00:16:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I think it doesn't matter. Like, what's important is that I didn't actually.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: Yeah, who cares? It's like, that's her strategy, how she wants to create. Who gives a fuck?
[00:16:39] Speaker A: That's not what it's about.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: What I would do versus what she would do. That's not relevant.
[00:16:43] Speaker A: Yeah, that's not relevant. What's relevant is that I didn't make it mean something about myself. Exactly.
[00:16:49] Speaker B: And I think that that is. Can be hard to do when we pedestal mentors.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Yeah. And also the fact that I'm still able to, you know, look up to her and still, like, have really good things to say about that experience. Because I think. I think it's a very big coping mechanism when we. We are wronged or we feel offended by something someone said to us, or maybe we're being a bit sensitive about certain things. We love to close yourself off to that person. Completely, like, hate on that person. That's like a very big shadow that the ego does. Y. So I think, you know, if there's one thing to take out of it, just, it's that.
[00:17:21] Speaker B: Okay, so now moving on to a story that has a story, an experience that I've gone through before.
This is such a funny one to tell, but.
Okay, so at this point in my business, I was doing a lot of group programs.
[00:17:38] Speaker A: Oh, yeah? Yeah.
[00:17:39] Speaker B: Lots of group programs. I'd done so many at this point.
[00:17:42] Speaker A: Right.
[00:17:43] Speaker B: I was well versed in them. I knew how to carry groups. It was never a thing. Right.
But there was always this, like, underlying fear of what happens if somebody doesn't like me or what happens if, you know, the group turns on me. I don't know. Just like a. Yeah, you had a.
[00:17:57] Speaker A: Lot of fears, and I think that came from, like, your trauma with women and. Yeah. You know, circles of women. So it was, like. I think it was such a beautiful initiation for you to get, like, to do group programs and run a business where, like, it is predominantly women. Yeah. So that was, like, beautiful. But, yeah, you did have a lot of fears around women turning on you and things like that.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: Exactly. So it wasn't prominent enough for me to, like. It didn't stop me from doing group experiences. No.
[00:18:26] Speaker A: And it wasn't like, an active thing every day.
[00:18:28] Speaker B: It wasn't an active thing. It was just something kind of in the background of, you know, my subconscious.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:34] Speaker B: Are you right?
[00:18:35] Speaker A: Yeah. My jaw.
[00:18:35] Speaker B: Oh, I just cracked it. Black jaw.
[00:18:38] Speaker A: Yeah. You know that adhd.
[00:18:41] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
So ADHD or manifesting generator.
[00:18:46] Speaker A: Pick your battles. I don't know. Let's go. Move on. We're on time crunch now.
[00:18:52] Speaker B: All right, so I'm in this experience, right. And I launched this, like, group program, and three people join. Go to do it. It's fine. For, like, the first two weeks, it was normal. We're all fine. And then all of a sudden, people just stop responding to me. Every person in the group stops.
[00:19:13] Speaker A: Every person.
[00:19:13] Speaker B: Every person in the group. So imagine you're holding.
[00:19:16] Speaker A: How many weeks had you been running this for maybe, like, two weeks. Two weeks. And everyone was really excited at the start.
[00:19:21] Speaker B: Yeah, excited, engaging, talking. Like, everyone's talking every day. We're doing the voxer coaching. We're in the live, like, you know, calls to get. It's all normal. Imagine a group experience all being normal.
[00:19:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:34] Speaker B: And then bam, silence. So at the same time.
[00:19:40] Speaker A: So were you, like, when you say silence, like, did people exit the group or is it more like they didn't exit the group.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: They just didn't respond.
[00:19:47] Speaker A: So you'd ask them questions. Yep.
[00:19:49] Speaker B: I'd be like, how is everyone today? No response.
[00:19:52] Speaker A: Any. And that was an. Was it the group chat, like an open coaching space? Yeah. So for how long did that. No one put any.
[00:19:59] Speaker B: For the rest of the time.
[00:20:00] Speaker A: And how many more weeks was that?
[00:20:01] Speaker B: I can't remember exactly the timeline.
[00:20:03] Speaker A: Wow. But it was a while.
[00:20:05] Speaker B: So it was like the rest of the group experience.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: And, like, three women. Like, it went for, like, weeks. Like, weeks. And, like, three women is in a large group. So it's like, it's already small.
[00:20:15] Speaker B: It was intimate.
[00:20:16] Speaker A: It was a very intimate space. Then you're trying to run that. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:20:22] Speaker B: So you could.
[00:20:23] Speaker A: I'm like. And this is the thing, right. Because it's like, you know, I go into spaces where I don't ask questions. Yeah. You know, so it happens. But then also, like, when you are the person running the group container, that can be a lot to deal with when you're like.
[00:20:38] Speaker B: And, you know.
[00:20:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:39] Speaker B: You understand when you don't always have a question.
[00:20:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:42] Speaker B: Right. And that's the benefit of a group container that you kind of bounce off other people sometimes.
[00:20:47] Speaker A: Like, you know, you. I'll invest in things and I'll, like, bounce in when I can. Exactly. It's like, once throughout the whole thing. Exactly.
[00:20:54] Speaker B: Right.
[00:20:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:55] Speaker B: And I think with the. It's like, I understood that because I had carried groups before at different lab numbers as well. I've done smaller groups. I've done larger groups. So for me, it was like, I understood that. I knew that that was, like, how that ran.
[00:21:07] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:21:08] Speaker B: And I appreciate, like, a day where we don't have anything to say. Like, I. I trust that there's always time for integration, but with this one, it was just like that for weeks, like, nobody talking to me.
[00:21:20] Speaker A: Do you. I wonder why, like, did you feel like it was a different energy to. I don't have questions or.
[00:21:25] Speaker B: Yeah, it was a different energy. So that. And that's exactly what, like, I don't know. Being an intuitive. Some. Sometimes is, like, so funny because it's like, you can feel what's happening.
[00:21:33] Speaker A: Yeah, I feel what's happening.
[00:21:35] Speaker B: So I knew that it was because they were getting triggered by the content and the things that I was asking them to do. So the. The content was very much like pushing you out of your comfort zone, doing the thing that you've been holding off on doing.
[00:21:48] Speaker A: Yeah. That can bring up a lot.
[00:21:50] Speaker B: Exactly. And it did.
[00:21:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:51] Speaker B: And it's like a lot of people, like, where the work that I do is quite triggering. Right.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: Yeah. No, it is like our work is these conversations we have and things like that. It is all about, like, looking at your responsibility. Yeah. Shadows. So.
[00:22:03] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
[00:22:04] Speaker A: That would make sense. It's like, as you're going through, it's like you're faced with the. The parts of you that I'm like, oh, I've been operating in ego and like, all that sort of stuff. You mean? Yeah.
[00:22:14] Speaker B: But I felt like that realization wasn't happening at that point in the group with the members of the group, so they weren't having this realization of, like, oh, it's a me thing. Like, it was more of like a this, like, she's annoying me type of vibe. Like, she doesn't like, getting triggered and activated by the content. And so it's like.
[00:22:33] Speaker A: It's kind of like the part of us that wants to protect ourselves. And it's like, rather than facing like, oh, I have been operating this way, or I do do that. Like, sometimes you. You know, when we do this work, it's like, oh, I do that. I didn't even realize that was from ego. It's kind of just like I'd rather make the person out to be wrong or incorrect.
[00:22:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
To make.
[00:22:54] Speaker A: To make myself feel better.
[00:22:56] Speaker B: Justified.
[00:22:56] Speaker A: To justify. Right. Yeah. So it's more of a. That situation.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: And I will say, like, I'm not the coach that's ever going to, like, soothe your ego. Like, I will.
[00:23:03] Speaker A: We're not. You know, something I've always said as well, you know, people are paying us a lot of money. Exactly. And, like, I want to see change, and I want. You want to see change. It's a waste of your time and energy. If I'm just going to sit there, validate the parts of you that have come to me to change, it would.
[00:23:21] Speaker B: Be such a disservice.
[00:23:22] Speaker A: Yeah, it really is. Yeah.
[00:23:24] Speaker B: So this was really funny. So I. Yeah, I'm in that experience. Obviously, at the time, I didn't find it funny. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
[00:23:34] Speaker A: Yeah. So you were.
[00:23:35] Speaker B: Yeah, I remember.
[00:23:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:37] Speaker B: Do you remember I was, like, messaging you at the time?
[00:23:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Because I think, like, there was a period of time where I was getting affected. We were only coaching each other. So without, you know, like, Shirley and I are really close, so without. Obviously, you know, we don't name names and things like that when we're, like, doing this, but, you know, she needs a mentor as well. And sometimes when you're navigating things, you, you, you do. And I do remember you going through this. Yeah.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: I was leaning on you with this because I was like, me, this is crazy.
[00:24:05] Speaker A: This is a really.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. It was a really confronting situation. Like being in a situation where you are the leader of a group and then the group is actively not responding to you, talking to you and engaging in the content. It felt so easy to just be like, you know what? It' easier for me to also pull back and not respond and not try. But I knew that that is not what I was being asked to do.
[00:24:28] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think, like, I remember when you were going through this, do you know what? It's kind of like the wounds that come up this, the feelings of familiarity that can come up with that. When you are in a group setting that happens. It's almost like you're getting like ganged up against.
[00:24:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:42] Speaker A: And those, those feelings. That's what I remember. It's like, yeah, I used to have.
[00:24:46] Speaker B: A lot of that when I was a kid, feeling like I was being gang.
[00:24:48] Speaker A: Ganged up on. That's what it can feel like. It feels like, have I done something wrong? Like, yeah.
[00:24:54] Speaker B: And with the situation, like, I'm so open to having a conversation as well. You know, if like they were unhappy with the program or the mentoring. Like, I'm so open to have a conversation and improve and get better. But the thing is, that never happened. I never got the opportunity to have that conversation with anyone in the group. Instead, it just continued like this. So all I could do in that situation was do my part. And that was, why am I feeling triggered?
[00:25:20] Speaker A: What.
[00:25:20] Speaker B: Why do I want to hide now that I'm not getting them responding in return? Why am I starting to question my work, question this container, question my worth and my ability to lead? You know, why. Why are all of these narratives coming up? And then also on top of that as well, it was this. You touched on it perfectly. It's like the feeling ganged up against. But I had this perception of people, and this is really what this, this situation really taught me. I had a perception of people where I saw them in such a negative, like, light. I could see people in such a, like a negative light. Where I would, like it was. I would mostly pick out people's faults rather than see the good in people.
[00:26:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:26:00] Speaker B: In humanity, I would say, like the human race in general. So in this situation, it was really like I, I could have gone into the narratives of they're wronging Me. People are awful. People are hurtful, whatever.
[00:26:13] Speaker A: It's like the protective mechanism.
[00:26:14] Speaker B: Exactly. To protect myself, make myself feel better for feeling rejected. But I didn't do that. And in this case, I was like, okay, cool. I was looking at them not interacting, but I was seeing it as a.
I was seeing. Like, I was practicing to see it as a blessing for them.
As a.
Not a blessing, but just like a. Oh, I can't think of the word.
[00:26:42] Speaker A: I think I know what you're trying to say. You're. You're trying to practice seeing them as in, like, they.
[00:26:48] Speaker B: In their power. In their power, even though they're triggered.
[00:26:51] Speaker A: So it's like this. Yeah, so it. That's exactly right. I actually did a post on this the other day. Like, your job is to always see the power in your clients. So it's like, in that moment, you're like, I understand that they're triggered, and I am the catalyst for that. Or I'm like, the byproduct of, you know, whatever.
But I believe in their power. I believe they can come back to their space and grow and learn from this situation and actually take on the information that they're getting. Like, they're. They're mature enough, old enough. They want to make the change, and they can.
[00:27:19] Speaker B: That's exactly right. It was like. And it was this needing to open my heart up to that rather than to close off and be like, you hurt me, so I'm gonna close off to you now. It was a. Okay. I know you're having this experience. I know that this isn't the nicest thing I've experienced experience, but can I still open my heart up to this.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: And not, like, victimize the person. Yeah, the person. It's like, yeah, you understand and you have compassion for.
[00:27:40] Speaker B: It was having compassion. Exactly. It was that. And that was really what I walked away with with this, like, after this container. I did hold compassion for them because I was like, I get it. This.
[00:27:50] Speaker A: Yeah, you've been in.
[00:27:50] Speaker B: Like, I've done those things before. I get it. Like, I'm like, this work is very confronting. It's really, like, it's so easy to blame somebody else rather than to see where your part is to play in something.
[00:28:04] Speaker A: And that comes back down to, like, what I was saying as well, with the example I gave before and the situation I've been in, where it's like, can you actually be in a situation even if you feel like you're getting projected on or someone's not treating you properly, like, not villainize Them. Yeah. And do the things that your ego wants you to do. And like, like I said, sometimes you are, like, you were a victim in this situation where, like, maybe it wasn't the nicest thing to have been ignored. Yeah. And there are better ways to go about when you are triggered, how you treat someone and things like that. But you were able to still hold compassion, which means, like, you. You were a victim in the situation, but you used a positive. And that's kind of like a bit of a theme with both examples, which is good.
[00:28:45] Speaker B: Well, that's exactly right. And that was really the inspiration for this podcast episode to show you, like, you know, when you are going through difficult, challenging situations. Like, it's these moments that really define who you are and how you grow. And I think, like, like, it's so easy to, you know, practice.
[00:28:59] Speaker A: Oh, the ego loves to, like, when you're triggered. The ego loves to make it out, like, to put all the focus on the other person. It's like that. Yeah, exactly. Right.
[00:29:10] Speaker B: And I think with this work as well, it's so easy for people to do this work. When it's easy.
[00:29:18] Speaker A: Yeah. But when you're actually triggered is when it matters.
[00:29:21] Speaker B: Exactly. That's when the work actually matters. I actually saw a TikTok the other day of somebody that said, you know, the healing. The healing work is all good and done. Or this. The self development work is all good and done. But you know what happens when you're in actual life situations and you're having to pay bills and takes. Like, that's the whole point, babe.
[00:29:39] Speaker A: That's the whole point.
[00:29:40] Speaker B: That's what we're doing.
[00:29:41] Speaker A: Because I actually shared that on my story the other day as well. These really synchronistic. No, I was literally saying, like, you know, it's like, I just felt like. I think it was with my partner or anyone, I don't know who. Yeah, I think it was with my partner, Anthony, where he was going through something. Actually. I feel like the momentum slowed down in his business a little bit for the first time in probably like eight months. Nothing drastic, but it was just a slower month than what he's ever had.
[00:30:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:30:08] Speaker A: And I was just saying, like, these are the moments that you're actually gonna make the change. This is the moments you're gonna like if you ever get yourself into this situation again where momentum slows down, because it can. It does. It's momentum. It goes up and down. Like, this is the cycle of business. You'll be able to handle yourself. It's not in the moments that things are going all. Well, it's true.
[00:30:26] Speaker B: I actually, funny enough, that's been a theme in my coaching containers at the moment as well. We've been talking about that. Yeah, because it's, it's funny. You kind of know what patterns are going to manifest when you're navigating a pattern. So like, for example, when I have a aha. Moment with a client and I'll be like, oh, it's this. And they'll be like, oh, I never saw this before. I literally say to them, so it's going to happen again.
[00:30:46] Speaker A: Yeah, it will.
[00:30:46] Speaker B: Because you need like, it's literally going to happen again. And can you practice being this version of you when it happens? Yeah, because that is actually how you change. It's not like, okay, now I understand why I need a change.
[00:30:57] Speaker A: Well, I'm not like, even on a, like, cellular level. Like, it's just like being in that experience. Like, if you think about it, like, if you're not in that experience, it's harder to like, hold. You can't. You're not holding yourself in it. Do you know what I mean?
[00:31:11] Speaker B: Well, how can you expect a different moment?
[00:31:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:13] Speaker B: If you are the same in the same situation. Situation. If your response is the same, if your energy is the same, no fcking shit. The same thing's gonna keep happening. But what lots of people do is they sit there and they like, have this breakthrough and they understand why something is manifesting and then they go, okay, now that I understand it's not gonna manifest again. And then it manifests again. They go, where did I go wrong? Yeah, yeah, where did it go wrong? No, it's gonna manifest again. Of course it is. It's a pattern.
[00:31:35] Speaker A: I'm gonna respond differently.
[00:31:36] Speaker B: You need to be different. You need to literally respond differently to the pattern in order to change your experience.
[00:31:41] Speaker A: Yeah, no, yeah.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: It's just such a. How did I get onto that?
[00:31:45] Speaker A: No, I don't know. But that's the beauty of our brains anyway.
[00:31:49] Speaker B: So, yeah, this was that. This was really in this moment, in this group experience. And I really got to practice opening my heart up to people, seeing the power and people still loving people, even when I felt like I was being ganged up on or being wronged by or whatever. And on top of that, I got to really own my worth and own my work and still show up as the leader and hold the intention for the container, regardless of what was happening. It was difficult, but I'm so proud of myself for doing it. It's like one of my proud moments where I think about fuck Shuls. You've really grown as a person in those moments. And actually, like, I would say maybe six months to a year later after this container. I can't remember timelines, but something like that. It was a while later. I've actually had a couple of these members reach out to me and apologize for that time.
[00:32:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:36] Speaker B: Which I think shows of, you know, that like, rather than like blocking them and getting out of my state, like, none of that. I was just like, my. My heart is still open to this experience, to those people. I'm open for the growth which we.
[00:32:49] Speaker A: Need more of in this world.
[00:32:50] Speaker B: Exactly. And just like, you know, some of them came and said I was triggered and I didn't see what you were saying. And now I see it.
[00:32:57] Speaker A: Now I see it.
[00:32:58] Speaker B: I got it.
[00:32:58] Speaker A: Love that. For them. Yeah.
[00:33:00] Speaker B: And then others, it was more of like personal things, you know, in their personal life.
[00:33:03] Speaker A: Yeah, no, that's exactly right. So like, obviously sometimes it's.
[00:33:06] Speaker B: Has nothing to do with.
[00:33:07] Speaker A: Come back down to the conversation. Not everything means something about you.
[00:33:10] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:33:12] Speaker A: Yeah. That was a good story. Shows. I love that. Yeah. Big one, I think.
[00:33:15] Speaker B: Yeah. One of the most difficult things I think I've gone through in business.
[00:33:19] Speaker A: Yeah. Like by far. Yeah.
[00:33:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:21] Speaker A: I mean, you have had experienced clients wanting refunds and things like that.
[00:33:25] Speaker B: But like, I feel like that's standard as a business owner now.
[00:33:27] Speaker A: Yeah. But like, it can be big when you're going through that. Yeah.
[00:33:30] Speaker B: Do you remember the first time. It was when I used to do readings on people. That person that wanted a refund.
[00:33:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:36] Speaker B: And I was like, fucking getting sick. So like triggered. I was so like, I was. I remember I was shaking.
[00:33:41] Speaker A: Shaking. Yeah. See what happens? You're sketching first time, you're like, that's fine. You want to re.
[00:33:46] Speaker B: You actually helped me through that.
[00:33:47] Speaker A: Remember I had. Cuz I worked in hr. Yeah. You're like, she.
[00:33:51] Speaker B: You're like, it's right. She's allowed to have her experience.
[00:33:54] Speaker A: Yeah. No, I remember that. Like, you're actually okay to have their experience. But also I think like, I wasn't running a business, so I didn't really like, see how like I could have had more compassion there. But also sometimes you need someone to be like, it's okay.
[00:34:07] Speaker B: No, I needed that.
[00:34:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:08] Speaker B: Your response at that time was really good.
[00:34:10] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:34:11] Speaker B: And you, you were, you were really good.
[00:34:12] Speaker A: You were really good about it. Something I've actually recognized about myself is I can handle sometimes tough conversations or like things that people square. Matt. It's honestly the HR experience I got. Yeah. I had com. Like, if I think about that those days, I had tough conversations all the time. I was telling people, no. Such a good life skill. Yeah, it is.
[00:34:34] Speaker B: I've been really into communication lately.
[00:34:36] Speaker A: Like, learning. Yeah.
[00:34:37] Speaker B: How to communicate.
[00:34:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:39] Speaker B: If you notice in this podcast episode, I'm trying to speak slower and be more mindful. Mindful about my words and my tone. I feel like I'm doing a job, but we're learning.
[00:34:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:50] Speaker B: I've.
[00:34:50] Speaker A: Honestly, it's all very important. Yeah.
[00:34:53] Speaker B: I feel like the theme this year has been really, like, throat chakra energy.
[00:34:56] Speaker A: It's such a balance of, like, working on your delivery and then also not tiptoeing your delivery to appease, like, someone's ego. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, having to be careful so much of what you say and, like, don't want to offend you. Like. Yeah, there is a balance, but that's a topic for another day.
[00:35:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:13] Speaker A: Yeah. I. I actually was thinking that the other day, I was like, holy crap. Like, yeah, I felt I can handle tough, awkward conversations. Tough ones. And it's a good skill. I had performance management conversations with, like, I had being told, like, my own, like, those things when you're working in a, like, corporate environment, like, they help.
[00:35:33] Speaker B: You know, that kind of goes on to one of your experiences that you had with a client.
[00:35:38] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is my next one.
[00:35:40] Speaker B: I was like.
[00:35:41] Speaker A: I was actually thinking. I was like, what is my next conversation? But speaking of tough conversations. But no, this one was.
I did have a client who was dealing with a wound of feeling like.
It was like, a wound of feeling like people like that sell you things or people that offer their service or whatever, they're all scammers, basically, because they had been taught that from a parent. And, like, that was so common. Oh, it's so, so, so common. So that was the situation. And that was like, you know, these are One of. These are the. One of the very many things I do work with. Like, this is such important work. Right. This is all money mindset work, which is a big thing that we teach and help people with. But in this sit.
They were. I had maybe offered an extension to work with for them to work with me. Yes. So it was like they had come to me and said that they were triggered and I. About this wound, and I was the trigger, like, because I. They felt like I was being too salesy and things like that, but they genuinely were just wanting to work through it now, I think. I think there was absolutely nothing wrong in. That's like what this space is about. I'm so happy to work through that. If I've triggered you in any way, cool, let's work through it. Beautiful. But I think that not a lot of people or like, it can be hard for the ego to be in a circumstance where you don't go into defending yourself, justifying yourself, wanting to protect yourself and be like, I'm not salesy, blah, blah, blah. And they actually genuinely felt like I was being salesy, but they were also aware of it and like, I've got this wound there and like, that's what the thoughts were coming up and how do I work through this? And blah, blah, blah. So in that moment, like, I had to really hold my power and realizing this is a projection onto me, which they were aware of it too, which is amazing, amazing self awareness. And then I also had to go into the parts of me that I had to stop myself or stop the ego going down the route of what's I being too much?
Was I being salesy? Or do I need to change this? Or I'm uncomfortable with this person thinking of this, of me. Do I. Not once did I justify that I was being too salesy. I didn't mention myself at all. I focused completely on the wound and I did not speak about myself or go into protecting myself. It means, like, I didn't go into being like, oh, no, I. I'm sorry if I reacted like I. That's not what my intention was. I did none of that. Like, I did not care. I was there to help and help her see the wound and help her see the part of her that feels like she's being taken advantage of. Because that's really what was coming up.
[00:38:13] Speaker B: That's amazing.
[00:38:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:14] Speaker B: Like, to be able to do that and not take that on, not apologize particularly, like, as women, we're taught to be like, I'm sorry.
[00:38:21] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.
[00:38:21] Speaker B: Like you feel that way. Like, that was really, really.
[00:38:27] Speaker A: With me. Yeah, I know. I was like, I'm not going to apologize. Like, it's got. If I can, if I make it about myself, then I'm distracting her from receiving the guidance that she needed in that moment.
[00:38:40] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:38:40] Speaker A: Yeah. And that can just be really an uncomfortable feeling when. And this can apply to any circumstance when someone's coming up to you being like, hey, I'm feeling a certain way. I'm actually getting triggered. And it was something you said and you're like, and you're just like, I didn't even mean that. I didn't mean it like that. That wasn't my intention and I wasn't doing that. Like, it's. So that's what the ego loves to do straight away. So to be in a situation where someone's coming to you, like, and to practice not going into defending yourself is really, really, really important skill.
[00:39:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
It's a fine line though, right? Because it's like, there's such a fine line between when to take responsibility.
[00:39:20] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
But in this situation.
[00:39:23] Speaker B: Not this situation, but yeah, of course.
[00:39:24] Speaker A: It'S like a fine line. But I think that goes with everything. Like, we've said that, like, hundreds of times as well. Like, you're always going, if someone's coming to you with feedback about something you said, like, always, Always check it and.
[00:39:34] Speaker B: Be like, sorry, nice.
[00:39:37] Speaker A: Always check in with yourself. Being like, where did that energy come from? Was I being this way? Was I not? Like, No, I. I just think that. And then you can make a general consensus, but when you understand. I feel like a lot of the time, and I don't want to discredit it. I feel like a lot of the time just because of how the ego operates. A lot of the time it's production.
[00:39:56] Speaker B: I think any time somebody you feel triggered towards something, it is something within you.
[00:40:03] Speaker A: Yeah. Every single time.
[00:40:05] Speaker B: So I think whenever you feel like, oh, no, no, that was actually. I don't agree with that. Take that back.
[00:40:11] Speaker A: No, no, no. I think, no, what you're trying to say is anytime you're having a reaction to a part of you that, like, is triggered by it because you believe it, then there's something to look at. But I think for the most part, if someone says something fucking rude to you, like, you're ugly bitch, or you're having friends that, you know, leave you out and things like that. Like, of course, you might be a little bit triggered, but it's a different type of trigger. It's a different type of like, I'm being treated like shit or I didn't actually like what that person said as opposed to they've said something that set me off. Like, I'm like, you know, it's a different type of trigger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah.
[00:40:45] Speaker B: Because it's like, you will set boundaries when things. I don't know, though. This is how I feel. I feel like when I'm triggered when someone says something to me and I have an emotional reaction in my body and I'm like, oh, my God, I feel like, that's when it's my shit.
[00:40:58] Speaker A: Even if.
[00:40:58] Speaker B: Yeah, of course they're still something for me to learn.
[00:41:01] Speaker A: Yeah. Even if it is rude. Yeah.
[00:41:03] Speaker B: There's still something for me to gain there. Why do I believe it, for example, also. But then on the other hand, I've been in situations where people have been blatantly rude and you're like, it's. But there's no, there's no deeper trigger. There's just a. There's just this, like, that's a them problem. There's a neutrality and there's this. I respect myself, so I'm not going to like. Yeah, I'm not going to take this, but there's a neutrality there.
[00:41:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Sorry, I thought my phone went off.
[00:41:30] Speaker B: Sorry. Is this conversation boring?
[00:41:31] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, no, that's exactly right. So it feels there's a big difference in energy.
[00:41:38] Speaker B: Yeah, there is. Right. It's like there's no trigger there. There's no. There's just a. I'm gonna like stick up for myself because. What the fuck was that?
[00:41:46] Speaker A: Like, the way I see it. Yeah, the way I see it is like, okay, just say you're out on a night out and a drunk person comes up to you and be like, oh, this happened to you once.
[00:41:54] Speaker B: Actually, I was thinking about this situation the other day.
[00:41:58] Speaker A: About that lady.
[00:41:58] Speaker B: Yes. Oh my.
I know exactly what you're going to talk about.
[00:42:02] Speaker A: Literally there was this lady, we were on the train once and she was drunk or maybe on drugs.
[00:42:06] Speaker B: I think she was on drugs or.
[00:42:08] Speaker A: On the train tram and they. She called. She a slut?
[00:42:11] Speaker B: No, a prostitute.
[00:42:12] Speaker A: Oh, she called you a prostitute.
[00:42:13] Speaker B: She did not stop. She's like, you're a. You're a prostitute. You're disgusting. Look at you.
[00:42:19] Speaker A: Yeah, but in that moment, in that moment, you've got the awareness tonight. Unfortunately, unfortunately, this lady's on drugs and she's not in her best state of mind. And so you're not going to take that seriously. You don't actually believe that. And that's what it kind of feels like when someone's projecting onto you or it's like you're aware that it's like them problem. Yeah, yeah.
[00:42:40] Speaker B: Dan took it seriously.
[00:42:42] Speaker A: Well, yeah, because, yeah, Dan wanted to. Dan was like relaxed.
[00:42:46] Speaker B: Dan, you're going to get stabbed.
[00:42:47] Speaker A: Yeah, she's obviously not.
[00:42:49] Speaker B: It was hot though, you know, remind me of like a romance book.
[00:42:53] Speaker A: A book talk book.
[00:42:54] Speaker B: Yeah, book talk man. The man like protects you.
[00:42:58] Speaker A: Yeah, no, that's hot. But also, yeah, Dan needed to calm down because it's like, you're fighting with fire.
[00:43:03] Speaker B: Like, she's literally a poor lady that's.
[00:43:05] Speaker A: Like on drugs and alcohol.
[00:43:07] Speaker B: She wasn't in her right mind. She was really offended by my knee high boots.
[00:43:11] Speaker A: She was really offended by.
[00:43:13] Speaker B: She hated the boots. They were a no go for her.
[00:43:17] Speaker A: That's what it was.
[00:43:18] Speaker B: It set her the off.
She was so angry.
[00:43:23] Speaker A: Like, we were on the opposite side of the tram and she was still calling you a whore.
[00:43:29] Speaker B: It was the skirt. It was the boots.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: I get it, babe. It was so good.
[00:43:36] Speaker B: That was the best.
[00:43:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay.
[00:43:39] Speaker B: Do I have any other stories?
[00:43:40] Speaker A: I do.
[00:43:41] Speaker B: Okay, I'll tell one.
[00:43:42] Speaker A: Last. One last one.
[00:43:43] Speaker B: We're done with yours.
[00:43:44] Speaker A: Yeah, that's it. So the moral of that was like, you know, even if someone's talking, we've spoken about it. Let's move on.
[00:43:52] Speaker B: We're trying not to repeat ourselves. We listen back to the podcast sometimes.
[00:43:56] Speaker A: And we're like, we say this, but.
[00:43:59] Speaker B: I also love it. So. Yeah, okay.
Something that I've experienced. Another thing that was a bit of a challenging situation to navigate was I. Again, it was in a group experience and I had offered. I didn't even offer guidance. So this person had come into the group asking for support and just asking to, you know, have love sent their way with something that they were navigating. And I think I like, did a quick little remember your power type of vibe. Maybe like, something like that. It was like, it was the shortest.
[00:44:30] Speaker A: Little, like, so they had come and said they were going through something and you had given them advice or whatever.
[00:44:35] Speaker B: Yeah. But like really briefly, like, I'm talking, like I said, not even advice. Like, I just like a little like, remember your power type of vibe.
[00:44:41] Speaker A: Yeah, you've got this type of.
[00:44:45] Speaker B: You've got this sending you love. Something like that. Like, it was like. Because it was clear that she's just like, I want love. And I was like, remember your power little advice. Send you love.
[00:44:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:44:54] Speaker B: And then the person got really triggered by that. So they got really activated and they came into the group and they basically said, I didn't ask you for coaching, I asked you for love type of vibe.
[00:45:13] Speaker A: But it's interesting because you're putting this in a coaching container. Yeah.
[00:45:18] Speaker B: So we were in a group coaching container.
[00:45:20] Speaker A: It's an interesting thing to get triggered by because you're.
Yeah, because I'm just like. Also, you're not. They're like, sometimes it's like, I. I get that sometimes you don't want to get advice or get asked a question but also, like, it's your coach. Like, you're not like, friends, so it's like, of course she's going to.
[00:45:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:40] Speaker A: Do you know what I mean? Yeah. If you didn't want that, maybe specify that. I don't know. Yeah, I think she did. She did.
[00:45:47] Speaker B: In the. She did. In the message, she said something along the lines of, like, I can't remember.
[00:45:53] Speaker A: Anyway, she.
[00:45:54] Speaker B: She specified she wanted love.
[00:45:57] Speaker A: But it's like, it's okay if someone ended up giving you. It's not that deep.
[00:46:00] Speaker B: Yeah, but I didn't. It wasn't even, like, proper advice. Like, I didn't send her. It wasn't like that. It was like a couple of sentences or something like that. Whatever.
[00:46:08] Speaker A: I have had someone before say to me, like, I wasn't actually asking you for your advice.
And to be fair, she wasn't fair enough. And sometimes you don't want to get advice. But it's like, I couldn't imagine seeing to a mentor who has been like, I just. Even if you didn't want that or whatever, it's like, I'm just not gonna get offended by that because that's their job. Yeah. It's a natural response for coach.
[00:46:32] Speaker B: And I think that's why I was.
[00:46:33] Speaker A: A little bit like, oh, yeah, take a bath.
[00:46:35] Speaker B: A bit awkward now. I don't really know what to do.
[00:46:36] Speaker A: Right.
[00:46:37] Speaker B: Because I was like, ah, this is the mentoring container.
[00:46:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Whereas I wasn't in a mentoring container and it was actually a friend. So it was like, oh, okay. Yeah, Like, I can see how that can be fucking annoying.
[00:46:46] Speaker B: Yeah, fair enough.
[00:46:48] Speaker A: No, seriously. No, it can be.
[00:46:50] Speaker B: It can be. But, yeah, I. I don't know. I'm so different because I feel like if I came to you and then I was complaining about something, I want you to give me advice just out of, like, just.
[00:46:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:47:00] Speaker B: I'm taking myself out of this situation.
Do you know what I mean?
[00:47:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. I agree. But, yeah, maybe it's. I think it's wanting to just complain to be validated. I don't know. But also, maybe they were just going through a tough time and they were just sharing it. It's like everything I said, she's like, I know.
[00:47:15] Speaker B: Like, I know that.
[00:47:16] Speaker A: Like, I'm just. Just. I'm just feeling these feelings right now. Yeah.
[00:47:19] Speaker B: And it's like, fair enough.
[00:47:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Where I also was in a stage of my life during that where I wasn't the best at feeling my feelings. So it was like, I took every time I felt it was also a Coping mechanism to turn everything into a lesson right as I'm going in it.
[00:47:32] Speaker B: So that's true.
[00:47:32] Speaker A: You know, I think she was just looking to be.
[00:47:35] Speaker B: Just have.
[00:47:36] Speaker A: Talk to a friend in this fair and just be like, yeah, like, you know, you got it. Yeah, go on.
[00:47:42] Speaker B: Anyway, I get that.
[00:47:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:47:44] Speaker B: So this was a bit different because this was a mentoring container. I was leading the space. I was the coach.
It was. Yeah, it was one of those situations. I didn't feel like I really offered, like, coaching. I felt like I would. Like, that was my version of giving love. Like, I just. I felt like I was like, yeah, suresy.
[00:48:00] Speaker A: Like, if you want to, you get a question, you'll get like a. Even me. Yeah.
[00:48:03] Speaker B: You'll get like a whole spill. Literally. I just.
[00:48:05] Speaker A: That's what they paid for.
[00:48:06] Speaker B: I just sent a client 10 messages.
[00:48:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:09] Speaker B: Like, literally, like, voice messages.
[00:48:11] Speaker A: So for you, it was like. It felt like I was like, oh, scratching the surface. Yeah.
[00:48:15] Speaker B: I was like, oh, that wasn't advice, but all right, then. Yeah, no, it was. It was one of those situations where it kind of, like, took me back a bit and I was like, oh, okay. I was like, I'll keep that in mind. To like, not, you know.
[00:48:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:27] Speaker B: To read what the person said properly, maybe. Just like, you know. Yeah, whatever.
[00:48:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:32] Speaker B: And also it was kind of one of those situations where she, you know, kind of then like, called me out like that, and then I had to, like, navigate that in a group setting where like, all the other.
[00:48:45] Speaker A: All the other girls, all the other.
[00:48:46] Speaker B: Members could kind of, like, see.
[00:48:48] Speaker A: Yeah. And because it can. That can bring up a lot. Like, that's so embarrassing.
[00:48:53] Speaker B: What are they.
[00:48:53] Speaker A: What are these other girls going to think of me now?
[00:48:55] Speaker B: Yeah, it did. It was. Yeah. So I'm in this situation and I'm feeling awkward. I'm feeling activated by it because I feel like I want to defend.
[00:49:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: Because my point where I'm like, like, it's. It's not me. I wasn't coaching. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, I want to do that.
[00:49:12] Speaker A: Yeah. So honestly, like, sometimes it just takes a moment to just, like, you came from love. Like, you genuinely didn't mean it. It's not nice to do that. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
[00:49:24] Speaker B: But anyway, yeah, it wasn't nice. And I knew, like, that was the whole point. This was an opportunity for me to.
[00:49:29] Speaker A: Like, this is an example of someone doing something not that nice in a situation. Yeah.
[00:49:34] Speaker B: You know, it wasn't that nice. And this was an opportunity for Me to recognize that something deeper was going on with her in regards to me. And she was just going through a lot of things at the time. And not to take that personally, that was really the opportunity I got really. I did get really triggered with this situation, like, because I felt like I didn't do anything. Yeah. I felt like I was being like.
[00:49:56] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's also one of the first times where you're navigating like this ego stuff when it's like you're in a group setting. That happens and like, like. Yeah, yeah.
[00:50:03] Speaker B: It's like navigating the group experiences for the first time. Yeah. Oh, my God. We didn't tell the story of that time that somebody wanted to leave our space completely.
[00:50:12] Speaker A: Yeah. We forgot that we've also ran a group program before where some. Which, I mean, if you're a business owner, like, you would know these things can be. Not like they are normal, but it's just like, will you make it not mean anything about you or whatever?
[00:50:26] Speaker B: And that was really.
[00:50:27] Speaker A: Yeah. We had a girl join our group programs and say she didn't. She actually didn't. Said she didn't like it.
[00:50:33] Speaker B: Yeah, she said she didn't like it. She didn't agree.
[00:50:34] Speaker A: Which was fair enough. Like I said, I'm laughing because we.
[00:50:37] Speaker B: This is how we were so young.
[00:50:38] Speaker A: And so new to this. So we were so overwhelmed and so much anxiety. Yeah. From it. But it was like, that's fair enough. You didn't actually enjoy the space.
[00:50:46] Speaker B: I get that.
[00:50:46] Speaker A: Yeah, I get it.
[00:50:47] Speaker B: Get out of the group.
[00:50:48] Speaker A: But like, also another. Again, if, like you're a business owner, like, are you prepared to handle those sort of conversations?
[00:50:53] Speaker B: They happen all the time.
[00:50:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:50:55] Speaker B: Literally. And the point, like, it's like some.
[00:50:58] Speaker A: Some business owners, it might not happen that often, but like, it's like, can you handle them?
[00:51:04] Speaker B: But it does happen. It does happen. Happens. People want refunds. People don't agree with you. People just simply don't like you in that.
[00:51:11] Speaker A: Especially if you're like a mindset. Anything that you're like, very, you know, in the personal development space. Mindset stuff where you're like, actually deep triggers are there. Yeah. Counseling psychology. Like, you're gonna. You're gonna reflect things and people get annoyed.
[00:51:24] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. They do. And I've been that person before, particularly prior to my self awareness journey. I used to blame like psychologists on my problem.
[00:51:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:34] Speaker B: Like, they suck anyway. No, I like. The purpose of this podcast episode is to really show you, like, you know, when you're going through challenging Situations like, can you take a moment to be like, hey, what does this mean about me? What is this showing me about me? How can I navigate this situation from an open. A better place and change? You know, rather than like meeting the situation with fire, which creates more fire. Because a lot of the time when people are doing these things, it's not personal.
[00:52:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:52:01] Speaker B: It's coming from, you know, their own stuff.
[00:52:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:52:04] Speaker B: So that's exactly what happened in this situation. You know, I got to calm down, I got to take my deep breaths, and I got to go into the situation without, like, overly defending myself, without being like, blah, blah. I literally just said, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come across that way. I'm sending you love. And it was like, as simple as that. I just continue to hold my energy, held the space. And I was like, it's fine, you know? And then she ended up apologizing.
[00:52:25] Speaker A: That's good. Yeah.
[00:52:26] Speaker B: She ended up.
[00:52:27] Speaker A: There you go. Always the case.
[00:52:28] Speaker B: Exactly. And that's what I mean by not meeting the situation with fire.
[00:52:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:52:32] Speaker B: Because if I had been like, excuse me, blah, blah, and then I had met her with more fire, I'm just adding fuel to her.
[00:52:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:52:39] Speaker B: And we're making a situation worse. Right. Whereas when I did my part and I relaxed and I held neutrality, it's like I could hold that neutral space for her and now not make that projection mean anything about me. And that gave. So it gives her time to reflect now.
[00:52:54] Speaker A: Yeah. And take it. So empowering, these conversations. I. I think, like, you know, I was so inspired ones. Sorry, changing the topic. But yeah, like, love that. But these conversations are so. Love that.
[00:53:07] Speaker B: But let me tell you that.
[00:53:09] Speaker A: I'm just saying, like, just listening to you speak and listening to us speak week, it's because the emotional talent, emotional intelligence you develop when you actually do this work is insane. Like, even one time I was in a space with a membership with the same coach, actually, that I spoke earlier, and someone straight out not called her out, but, like, asked her a question that you could have taken the wrong way. Like, I don't even know. They, like, you say you do this, but then you do this. Can you, like, explain that? And the response from her was just. Just so, like, that's a great question. But it's like, to be able, like, her level, it's hot. Like, it's hard. Yeah. Her level of emotional intelligence to being like. Like, that could have come out the wrong way. Like, that girl was being like, you're contradict. Like, she actually said. It feels like you're contradicting yourself here. Can you actually explain what you really mean? Or how is that different here? Blah, blah. And she was like. That's a really good question, actually. Let me explain. And not once did she like, make that. No, it's like a. There.
[00:54:06] Speaker B: You know, self awareness is probably one of the most attractive traits a human can have.
[00:54:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:54:11] Speaker B: I don't care what anyone says. It's so fucking hot.
[00:54:13] Speaker A: It's so hot. But I've actually gotta go. So we're gonna end this episode. But I hope you really, really enjoyed this episode. It actually might be one of my faves.
[00:54:21] Speaker B: Yeah, it was a good one.
[00:54:22] Speaker A: It was a good one.
[00:54:23] Speaker B: Had fun. Thanks for being here.
If you like the episode, don't forget to like, subscribe on all the platforms. Give us a follow. Let us know that you're enjoying the episodes on Spotify. You can actually comment now on the episodes. And now we can actually interact with each other. So do that. That. We love you. We'll see you in the next one. Bye. Bye.
[00:54:38] Speaker A: Why did I do that?
