Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Consciously Thriving podcast.
[00:00:05] Speaker B: Nadia just had me do the most embarrassing thing in the entire world.
[00:00:08] Speaker A: You know what got her out of her comfort zone. Got her out of just sitting there for another 20 minutes procrastinating on what do I do about this situation?
[00:00:17] Speaker B: You know what? And I feel better for it.
[00:00:19] Speaker A: You feel better for it. And that's why I'm just like, I know what I'm doing here.
[00:00:22] Speaker B: I feel like a new version of myself. I feel like I can really do anything at this point, which is the result of stepping into your fears. But if you're wondering what she had me do. We were just about to start recording and we're on a time limit right now. My partner's home from work. He's in the room and he's going to go into a meeting soon at, like, you know, we have like an hour.
[00:00:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:00:43] Speaker B: And as soon as we're about to start recording, then my neighbor starts whipper snippering. Right. So does everyone know what that is?
[00:00:50] Speaker A: Yeah, Like a gardening. Mowing the lawn.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: I don't know. I'm like, is that an Australian way of saying that or.
[00:00:56] Speaker A: It probably is. Yeah. Not everyone's gonna say whip, maybe.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: Whatever. So it, like, makes this loud ass fucking noise. And Nadia had me literally go to my neighbors. I haven't even introduced myself to my neighbors.
[00:01:06] Speaker A: Like, they. Oh, you've never met them?
[00:01:07] Speaker B: I've never met them.
[00:01:08] Speaker A: Oh, that's.
[00:01:09] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:09] Speaker A: Anyway, because it's a bit different. That was information that's new to me.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Well, you guys live in a unit. It's different.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:15] Speaker B: Even though you're friends with your other neighbors as well, who don't live in the unit.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:19] Speaker B: You guys are just extroverts. I'm an introvert.
[00:01:20] Speaker A: That's my partner. That's Anthony's doing. And also the neighbors come over and introduce themselves and give me their number. That's what happened the other day. The neighbor came over, gave me her number, said, if you need anything. Oh, right next door. Yeah.
[00:01:32] Speaker B: There's none of that here. So all of us don't talk to each other. We're all on the strip and no one talks to each other. Like, it's so awkward. But we're all like, introverts, except for this old couple that have come. I feel like they're more extroverted and they've come onto the block going, what the fuck's going on?
[00:01:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, why doesn't anyone speak?
[00:01:47] Speaker B: Why doesn't anyone speak?
[00:01:48] Speaker A: But I feel like in. When I lived in Greenvale, it was like that. It was like we had my neighbors who grew up with close, still love them, in contact with them. But like the rest of them, we didn't really like speak to each other much.
[00:02:04] Speaker B: That's weird for a court. Cuz you guys were.
[00:02:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Not really. Yeah, we didn't.
[00:02:08] Speaker B: Cuz I was. I lived in a court once and we were all close. Like we would do like parties and things like that.
[00:02:13] Speaker A: Always avoid.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: That's interesting.
[00:02:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:15] Speaker B: In. Yeah, whatever. So she had me go up to them, never met them, and basically tell them, ask them whether.
[00:02:20] Speaker A: Ask them politely, like make me say I told them to stop. It was just letting them know the situation.
[00:02:25] Speaker B: I didn't say that. You didn't. Let me explain it. Hold on.
[00:02:28] Speaker A: True. Go on.
[00:02:30] Speaker B: She asked. She got me to go there and basically ask them if they would be willing to like not do that for the part for the next like hour and a half because we have something to film.
Yeah. So that's what happened.
[00:02:42] Speaker A: And they said it was fine. And I just said, you give them like in a nice way. Obviously.
[00:02:46] Speaker B: I hate being rejected. Like that's my biggest.
[00:02:48] Speaker A: Oh no. I was. I feel those feelings. But I'm like, shule, we actually have to. I'm going away to Bali next week. Yeah. We have to get this episode out. I can surrender to the situation. Like we cannot put that out there because it's so loud. Like it's like.
[00:03:02] Speaker B: It's like you'll never know unless you ask.
[00:03:03] Speaker A: Yeah. And I was like, maybe we just asked them if they'd be willing to. But they've also got their own schedule, their own time. And he. It's completely. They have complete free will. Like nothing they're doing is wrong.
They have every right to do that. But maybe they can do a friendly neighbor and just hold off for like 45 minutes to an hour.
[00:03:20] Speaker B: And they do.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: If they can't, they can't.
[00:03:22] Speaker B: Exactly. And I said that to them. I said it like multiple times. It's like, if you can't, you can't. And that's fine.
[00:03:27] Speaker A: Yeah, that's exactly right. And I pushed her outside of her pr because what would have happened is you would have sat there for 25 minutes going, what do we do? Maybe we'll wait, maybe we'll do this.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: You're right.
[00:03:37] Speaker A: You're right.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: You did do that. And I thank you for it. But you know what? I did kind of feel betrayal because I thought you were going to be with me. And you didn't.
[00:03:43] Speaker A: But I think you need to learn on your own, because you can do these things when you're on your own.
[00:03:47] Speaker B: No, I'm not, but thanks.
[00:03:48] Speaker A: Yeah. I make Anthony do these things sometimes. But I would do it if I'm like.
[00:03:54] Speaker B: I don't know. I've got such a thing with it. Like, even with waiters, like, I can't, like, ask for something or just, I don't know, like, anything that's, like, out of the ordinary of what I think.
[00:04:04] Speaker A: I thought Sydney said otherwise.
[00:04:05] Speaker B: Pain your lips.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: What? When you were in Sydney.
[00:04:08] Speaker B: What did I do in Sydney?
[00:04:09] Speaker A: Basically, Shirley changed her order six times.
[00:04:12] Speaker B: Four years.
[00:04:14] Speaker A: You just said you cannot. You're not that person that does that in Sydney when we went.
[00:04:18] Speaker B: But I will say you have brought more out in me now. Yeah, that's like, I never used to do that.
[00:04:23] Speaker A: That was your doing. So I was like, I've been in.
[00:04:26] Speaker B: That situation so many times where I say that I want this. You know, I want an order. And then I realized that under the pressure, I made the wrong decision. And I know that I'm not gonna like it. I'm not gonna enjoy my meal. So I've been in situation so many times where I haven't spoken up. So in, like, through you and, like, forcing me to speak up and now being in that situation so many times and not enjoying my meal, I do speak up in those scenarios.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: Yeah. I've worked in hospitality for. I feel like, most of my 20s, to be honest. Like, early 20s. Yeah. Not most of my 20s, I would say till, like, I was like, 25. Like, no, I work in corporate from. I didn't. I mean, my timeline is so off here.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: I know I can't even think of.
[00:05:06] Speaker A: Like, yeah, not my 20s. Like, early. Early 20s. Like, when I was studying at university and thing. I do a lot of hospitality jobs and never, like, it's not as much as a bother as you think it is. Like, yeah. Could just be my personality, though. Like, I never cared. It's like, the only time it was a problem was when the food was starting to cook. The chefs would get like, no, it's too late. Like, we're waste food. Which is.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: That's why I feel like I have more balls now to say that. Because you've said that.
[00:05:32] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm just like, it's actually not as much like, you go on the screen, you adjust the thing. It's not that big of a deal. And for me, I'm just like, no.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: That is so worth changing we need, like, an episode where Nadia tells us her crazy hospitality story. Stories. Because they're so.
[00:05:46] Speaker A: They're so funny how I've been treated in hospitality.
[00:05:48] Speaker B: It's so.
[00:05:49] Speaker A: Because I used to work at a hotel as, like in, like, the bar and like, the waitressing area. So you'd get some fancy people. Yeah. Click their fingers and make me say, pour my wine.
[00:06:01] Speaker B: Yeah, some people. Some people were like, looking at her like, why aren't you pouring my wine? It's like you're at an airport hotel.
[00:06:07] Speaker A: Yeah, it wasn't like a fancy, fancy hotel.
[00:06:09] Speaker B: No, it wasn't like, what? How many stars do you know?
[00:06:11] Speaker A: Oh, I don't know. It was just an airport one.
[00:06:13] Speaker B: It was like a pretty.
[00:06:14] Speaker A: Yeah, it was.
Yeah. That one time where I had left the wine on the table, gave them the glasses, and I got fingers snapped at me and asked me to fill up their glass for them. I was like, you know what? I usually would. And sometimes we do like.
Like, we always pour the wine if you're getting a glass, but usually with a bottle, we put it in ice and let them do it. Yeah. That was just what we did. Whether that's like, the right way or wrong way, I don't know. But yeah, it was pretty funny.
[00:06:41] Speaker B: Did you do it when he clicked?
[00:06:43] Speaker A: No, I did not. You didn't? No.
[00:06:44] Speaker B: No. Because I'm like, 21 and sassy.
[00:06:46] Speaker A: I was not going to. No. I was like, oh, sorry, we're not a fine dining restaurant. That's what I said.
[00:06:51] Speaker B: Good. And what did he say?
[00:06:53] Speaker A: Nothing. What do you say?
[00:06:54] Speaker B: Fucking getting your. Like this?
[00:06:56] Speaker A: No, I thought it was the clicking, but I'm like, I'm so different as a person now. Like, I wouldn't. I was so snappy, like. But I still wouldn't do it.
You don't have to be like, you don't need to demand me like that.
[00:07:07] Speaker B: No, I feel like what you did is fine. It's like, I'm not a do dog. Like, calm down.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: Exactly. What the.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Anyway, I wouldn't even treat my dog like that.
[00:07:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:14] Speaker B: Like, I'm like, what?
[00:07:15] Speaker A: But like, I feel like when I work with some people, you know when you're like, at a restaurant, you're like. You're lifting up your hand.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:21] Speaker A: I feel like some people used to hate that, but I'm like, that's how. How else do you get an attention? Attention?
[00:07:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Why would you hate that?
[00:07:26] Speaker A: Yeah. How else would you. Because it just feels. I know. That's what I mean.
[00:07:29] Speaker B: That's ridiculous.
[00:07:29] Speaker A: So I'm just like, I, Like, I didn't mind it.
[00:07:32] Speaker B: Yeah, no, that's.
[00:07:33] Speaker A: That.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: I feel like that's silly.
[00:07:34] Speaker A: But, yeah, hospitality does come with some funny.
[00:07:36] Speaker B: Hospitality is fun.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: Neat.
[00:07:38] Speaker B: I cried on my first.
Yeah, no, I. I cried on my first, like, day with this guy. Yeah, this old man. It was so funny. He was giving me his order in the most, like, fucked up way. Like, you know when you're giving a coffee order and then. But it's like he's giving backwards. He's like, yeah, he's like, latte, cappuccino, and make sure that latte is medium. And then a large hot chocolate and then go back to that cappuccino. I'm just like, what is happening?
[00:08:04] Speaker A: That's me when I go overseas. Because, like, we have a coffee so different here. And it's like, do you want cream? Do you. I'm like, what do you think?
[00:08:11] Speaker B: We have it simple. I feel like we have the most, like, complex coffee.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: No way. No way. You reckon? I think the US has, takes the cake for the most complicated. They have creamers, like, they flavor, like. Yeah, everything. That's true. Which we. It's not that we don't have them here, but that's like very.
[00:08:28] Speaker B: Most people don't have that. So, like, those sorts.
[00:08:30] Speaker A: I don't even understand, like, some of those.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a Starbucks drink.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: So. But even not, like, just normal, like, they do. Like, have you seen when you're actually right?
[00:08:39] Speaker B: No.
[00:08:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Americans make their coffee. Yeah.
[00:08:41] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:08:42] Speaker A: There's so many things that we don't have. And they're big. Oh, my God.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: They're fucking massive.
[00:08:47] Speaker A: Massive coffees.
[00:08:48] Speaker B: They're massive. They go all out with it and.
[00:08:50] Speaker A: They buy like the coffee that like, is in like a container thing. Like, I'm just like, don't you have, like, coffee? Like. I mean, that's a dumb thing to say because of course some people have crumb coffee ground. But it's not common for us to like, have coffee like that's refrigerated in a bottle. Oh, yeah.
[00:09:06] Speaker B: You know that.
[00:09:06] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. That's weird. That's not coffee.
[00:09:08] Speaker B: That shit's weird. I'm like, whoa. That's not. That's not. That's a different.
[00:09:13] Speaker A: Different type of coffee.
[00:09:14] Speaker B: I will say, though, we've been to many places in the world, Melbourne, Australia.
[00:09:17] Speaker A: Has the best coffee.
[00:09:18] Speaker B: Melbourne, Australia takes the cake with coffee. Best coffee.
[00:09:22] Speaker A: I'm not gonna lie. When I was in Europe, that just.
[00:09:24] Speaker B: Basically Europe was just with coffee. Sorry, no offense, but Offense? Yeah, like, take the offense. But London was the worst.
[00:09:31] Speaker A: But it's like Italians and stuff. Their coffee is espresso. Like that. What's this? Cream of milk and what are you doing?
[00:09:40] Speaker B: Yeah, Italians love it. Like, just straight, like.
[00:09:42] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, they do have. Sorry, I'm gonna get this wrong if you're in Italian, because when I was doing duolingo, things were like, cappuccino. Like, they don't have cappuccino.
[00:09:51] Speaker B: No, they don't.
[00:09:52] Speaker A: Or like, they have cafe lattes. I don't know.
[00:09:54] Speaker B: I'm so confused.
[00:09:55] Speaker A: Just with a dash of milk. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, anyway. Time constraint today.
[00:10:00] Speaker B: I know we're on a time constraint and we're like, literally talking about coffee. What are we gonna do today? We're gonna do a Q A episode. I' excited about this. So I did a little question box on my Instagram maybe like a week ago or something like that. We said we have some good questions in. So Nadia's written some down. I've written some down. And we're just going to go through them and answer them. Just like rapid fire them.
[00:10:22] Speaker A: And this is. This Q A is specifically niched to business owners.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: So we do have some ideas to do more like spiritual Q&As and that sort of thing down the line, but today we just feel inspired to do business.
[00:10:36] Speaker B: Yeah. We can do some micro topics as well, like on. Because we've done like, you know, we've spoken about navigating relationships from a shadow work perspective and. Yeah, just general, like, manifestation, spirituality stuff. Surrender stuff. So, yeah, we can definitely do that. I just fully repeated what you said.
[00:10:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: You know what, we're trying to get better at this because we've been listening back to the podcast and we're like, we just repeat ourselves constantly. But it's because we love a point and we just want to, like, repeat it until we're blue in the face.
[00:11:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:04] Speaker B: So you have to help us get better at it. Call us out.
[00:11:07] Speaker A: Call us out. Anyway, let's go. Start strong with question one.
[00:11:10] Speaker B: Are you gonna.
[00:11:10] Speaker A: I'm gonna do mine first. Yeah. Just because it's something we actually spoke about in the last week's episode. But the first question we got is, how do you handle clients being triggered at you? So I'm guessing this person is in coaching space and whole clients in a very similar capacity to what we would to be able to answer this. So. Yeah, yeah, we're both answering these, by the way. So.
[00:11:33] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:11:36] Speaker A: Fuck.
[00:11:36] Speaker B: So this is something I have definitely dealt with quite a bit, I think, in my spaces. And I think there's so many, there's so many layers to this. I think when you're a mentor and you're taking people through like just identifying their shadows and their blocks and you're holding them to a higher standard, the containers are naturally going to be triggering. They will, right? That's what is needed in order for people to transform and grow. And it's so important for you as a mentor to be able to hold your own in that space so that you can be the facilitator for this like powerful transformation to take place. Right. You don't want to waver when your client waivers because they will waiver because then you drop the standard in the container. And what I've seen some people do when they drop the standard in the container, they'll go into people pleasing, they'll go into like, I know it's okay that you have this and da, da, da, and like try and like justify their shadow and their wounding to make them feel better. But by doing this, you're not actually helping the person like grow into more. And you're not holding this like you know, the, the, the standard that they're paying you to hold because you want to feel validated and liked in that short term moment. So in that moment you're trying to make your ego feel good by feeling liked, but in reality you're actually doing your clients a massive disservice. So to be able to separate yourself from your client's reaction and not make it mean something about you is such an important skill to gain as a mentor. To be able, that's like the first.
[00:13:12] Speaker A: Thing anyone needs to understand. Like if you are in this space and a client is triggered at you, the first thing to really understand in, in obviously some circumstances is that not everything means something about you because that's what's happening. If you're like uncomfortable with your client being triggered at you for holding them to a higher standard or whatever, and this is purely in a situation in which their wounds are being reflected, then it's really important to understand that like, firstly, what's being triggered is the kind of the people pleasing within you, like how you're perceived. So having that awareness of like, you're actually triggered because you're confronted with being uncomfortable with people perceiving you in a certain way and then also being able to understand that it means nothing about you. It's got nothing to do with you.
[00:13:57] Speaker B: Yeah. And that like, that's a skill I had to learn. So I would. I found myself doing these things that would lower the standard in the container and affected the, like the transformation I was facilitating.
[00:14:08] Speaker A: Right.
[00:14:10] Speaker B: Like an example would be the most common thing I found myself doing was like, if somebody was triggered and I knew that they were triggered and they were initiating like that they were, you know, not really. I could tell that they were. I would basically stroke their ego a little bit and go, I know that you're feeling this way. I've been there before. I get it. It's hard. Like things like that I've had.
[00:14:36] Speaker A: And these are. I think it's important to have examples as well. But I have a couple of years ago been in a situation where I was reflecting a shadow and that like that particular client was not in agreeance that. That what. That's what the shadow was. Because sometimes these things are hard to see in the moment. Yeah. And instead of kind of going deeper with them, I was uncomfortable. So what I had done. And this is like a big learning curve. I didn't even think I was aware of what I was doing. I genuinely was.
[00:15:04] Speaker B: So you don't realize.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: You don't realize it and you learn now. But like I was so uncomfortable with them being uncomfortable that I was like, maybe it's not. And I gaslit myself like maybe it's not that. And what I did was instead kind of allow them to not go deeper with that. And then what ended up happening was that same room just manifest differently again later. And it's like, Nadia, if you just trust. If you just trusted what you had said the first time. And that doesn't mean to say I'm always going to be right or that, you know, helping them riff or helping them get deeper is not going to be a part of the equation. But yeah, that was an example of me. People pleasing. And as a result, that person doesn't get their breakthrough. Yeah. That they need.
[00:15:42] Speaker B: Exactly. That's a really good example to draw off. But I think that's the most important thing to be able to know first and foremost to know that it doesn't mean anything about you. And to hold the standard in the container to allow client to have the reaction and also see them in their power, see them through the lens of, you know, they're going to be able to recognize that this is a shadow. They're going to be able to see themselves and to hold like to recognize that this is something that they need to release and they are going to rise up eventually.
[00:16:14] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think that really comes like for Me, I believe in synchronicities of the universe. So for me, when a client comes into my space, they're not paying to get me to gaslight them, which means they're there for a reason, and they're there to be, you know, not in a bad way, but, like, they're there for growth, and they're coming to me because they are feeling a certain way or they want to, you know, be more in alignment with their business. They're always. There's always an objective to learn something when you go into mentorship. So I think it's really important to just understand as well, like, the role in which you hold in that space. Because I'm like, it's really important as mentors to not make it mean anything about you, because you really do damper their experience. And like you said, holding them to a high standard. I'm like, I really do believe, like, people coming into my space, I believe they're ready for it. I believe they. They're going to receive it. Even if they can't receive it in that moment, they eventually would. And that's what happened with this client. Like, they eventually can reflect and just believing in people's power and, like, also understanding that, like, we all can be triggered at points and we know what it's like. I know what it's like to be triggered, and I know I can trust myself. If I ever am triggered, I will deal with that. And having that same power towards your clients is important.
[00:17:20] Speaker B: No, it really is. I have been in situations where clients have been triggered and then have left my spaces and literally have come back and be like, wow, now I see what you were saying. Like, I was really triggered in the moment. I did not see what you were putting down, and I knew that I could feel it. And it, like, took a year later for them to be able to come back into my space and be like, hey, I see now. And you were so, like, on the money with that. This is something I'm ready to let go of and just, like, being able to, like, hold that space as well. Because some of those relationships didn't really end on a great note as well. Like, it was like me being, like, ghosted on things like that. Yeah, Just kind of, like, literally ghosted by clients and stuff like that. And it was quite confronting to be in that situation, to be like, hey, I'm gonna still stay in my power. Am I gonna still, like, own my work? Own man, Own what I do and how I teach and all of the things, and just to be Able to like hold that within myself and then have that like openness with my clients as well. Even if they are triggered and they do leave on like those terms, I do expect that they can come back.
[00:18:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: And we can like, you know what I mean?
[00:18:24] Speaker A: Like there's power.
[00:18:25] Speaker B: Exactly. There's no like love, loss. There's just like, there's no difference having.
[00:18:29] Speaker A: A moment to integrate what's been taught or what's been reflected.
[00:18:33] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: So yeah, I guess like in a nutshell, and I do want to add something to this, but in a nutshell, I think in order like handling client being triggered at you, you firstly do need to not make anything about yourself. But in order to not make anything mean anything about yourself, you need to work on your own shadows with caring about how you're perceived, being uncomfortable with being perceived as a bad guy or you know, wrong or whatever that is. Because there's no way you can hold your client in power if you are unable to do that and you're putting, you're wanting to manipulate how you're saying to them and just to like answer this and if you want to add anything but like to finish off this question as well, I think like you know, when a client is triggered and I said this in the last episode we spoke about it. I think it's also important to like, you know, this advice we're giving is when it is a mirror. And there will be moments where as a coach, if a client is triggered, you might need to take on feedback from the situation if they're triggered by like you speaking to them rudely or whatever. Like you get to dissect that situation, you get to really reflect and see whether it's a shadow of you or it's a shadow of them. And you know, sometimes when you have multiple clients saying similar things, then you might want to like take on the feedback. But I just thought I'd point that out as well because it's important to understand.
[00:19:50] Speaker B: No, I'm glad that you said that. I was going to point that out as well because this isn't about not taking responsibility and taking self accountability. And I think that's a really good way to look at it. Seeing if multiple people are saying something about you at the same time. You know what I mean? Like you're getting similar, like similar feedback. And it's so nuanced though, right? Because it's like not always is that.
Exactly. It's so individual. This is why one on one coaching.
[00:20:12] Speaker A: Yeah, this is why like one on one, like being able to even have someone in your life that can support you with that or even just developing your self awareness enough to. To be willing to look at maybe where your. There could be some improvement on your end or a shadow that needs to be looked at. So.
[00:20:30] Speaker B: No, exactly right. There was something else I wanted to say in regards to this as well, but it's left my head. So maybe we're just not. It wasn't meant to come out so we'll trust it. Maybe I'll ask the next question.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: Yeah, sure.
[00:20:41] Speaker B: All right. So somebody wrote, I've had these. We're just going to keep these all anonymous by the way. I've had these big goals for a while and it feels like I will never get them. I feel disconnected from them now, but there's a part of me that just can't let them go. As if I know they are meant for me or something. But every time I try to reignite my connection to them, it doesn't feel genuine. How do I get re inspired and connect to my vision again?
[00:21:11] Speaker A: That's a good question. Do you want to take a few things? Yeah, I'll take the rain. There's a few things in that. So I just want to touch on like the. It doesn't feel genuine or there's not a connection. So there can be two things going on. There could be. There is always two things going on when you're feeling disconnected from your vision or your goal. And like we can even go into that a little bit because we have done a goal setting episode. So you understand what we mean by like trying to control what your life looks like. But to answer this question, I think there's always two things that can happen. I think there is moments in which you are. Your ego can force goals to happen and can force a vision to happen from, you know, need pressure, whatever reason there is. And when it is coming from ego, when your vision for your life and when it is, when, whether it's your business or whatever, when it is coming from ego, there's always an underlying feeling of pressure or resistance that will keep coming up. Right. And that is because it's not a genuine desire. Like you don't actually desire to do that thing or you don't desire to do it the way you're doing it. So I think like actually having to sit down with yourself and asking yourself like why do I want these things? Like why do I actually want this goal vision for my life? What exactly in this do I think I'm going to get? Or whatever. Put that Aside actually having to ask yourself why. So, yeah, I think it's always important to firstly sit down with yourself and always, I always ask yourself, why? Why do I want this? And is there any distortion or leaky energy around like that particular goal or vision for yourself? And then the other thing you really want to ask yourself, which happens quite a lot, is trying to figure out if there is not a level of disappointment. There's not a level of. Because things haven't happened, you're feeling disconnected, which is actually coming from the need frequency. So really, really important to be able to decipher these two things. When you're going after goals, you really want to be able to see where it's coming from and then also be able to see that am I actually disconnected or do I have so much need around this? Do I have so much.
This goal is going to change. You're pedestaling this goal to the point where because it hasn't happened, you can't enjoy your life. You can't. You're. Whatever story there is, you know, going on. So they're really, really important things to ask yourself.
[00:23:26] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree. I think that's definitely the focus area I would suggest.
What? That's definitely the focus area I would suggest focusing on. That's what I was about to say. How funny is that? But that's seriously what. Like that's where you want to focus. Because everything you're wanting from the 3D right now is like from these external successes and where you see your life heading, it's coming from a part of you that isn't happy or feeling safe or feeling fulfilled and nourished right now.
[00:24:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:03] Speaker B: And when you don't feel those frequencies right now, you tend to project onto the future and material things because you think that that is what's going to result in your happiness and your feeling of safety and your feeling of fulfillment and pleasure. And it's just not. It's a. It's a lie that your brain has been feeding you. It's like our capitalistic, like mindset that we've been put in, in society to think that these feelings come from external sources and they just don't. Your power and your liberation in this, your like, connection to your inspiration being reinspired again by life is not going to come from you reconnecting to new goals that you set for yourself.
[00:24:41] Speaker A: Yeah, that's exactly right. I'm like, there's nothing. Unless it's like you're genuinely in a space where the things that you're going after aren't in alignment. And that can come with resistance most of the time. And that's why I highlight it. Most of the time it's not because of that.
[00:24:53] Speaker B: Yeah, it literally isn't. It's coming like a lot of the time. It's coming from your distortion of thinking that this thing is going to make your experience on earth better and it's not. And when you constantly have these goals on a pedestal, when you constantly have these things in the 3D that you're pining after, you always have a reference point to this now moment. And this now moment will never be enough. So what's going to happen is you might be able to. And this is probably what's been happening right. Where you might be able to feel good while you're on. Like while you're getting re inspired and you're like, okay, anything is possible. I know that these goals can happen. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You feel good for a week, but then eventually, because you have the comparison of your now reality. Right. Within a week or a month, if you're not seeing the things that you want to happen, you're going to always feel like you're coming up short. You're going to always feel like things aren't fulfilled, you're doing something wrong. You're going to go into problem frequency. You're going to go into this moment isn't enough. It's a self fulfilling prophecy that keeps you in the cycle that you're in right now that keeps you unhappy in this experience. And it's, it's a trap. Even when you do get the things that you want, it won't stick, it won't last because you'll always go to the next thing and the next thing, it won't give you what you're actually looking for. So if you're listening to me right now and you're like, Schulz, what am I actually looking for? You're looking for a feeling besides everything that you're pining after, whether it be travel, money, a relationship, it is the feeling, it's the whatever you think that that thing is going to give you, make you feel more loved, make you feel safer, make you feel more free, make you feel like, you know.
[00:26:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:32] Speaker B: Inspired, abundant, you know, give you more excitement and adventure. I promise all of these things are capable for you to actually conn to and live from right now.
[00:26:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:41] Speaker B: And that's what you want to cultivate. This is true freedom, this is true liberation. So I would actually be connecting to the feelings behind these goals that you've set. And I would then ask yourself, how can I get this right now? How can I be so happy and satisfied with my life right now that I don't actually need anything outside of me in order to feel better.
[00:27:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:01] Speaker B: In order to feel inspired and creative.
[00:27:04] Speaker A: Yeah. And just by the language you use, you've used in the question itself, there does sound like there is a little bit of pedestaling going on. So I would definitely look into that one.
[00:27:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Like Nat said, we have a goal setting episode. Highly recommend going to checking that out.
[00:27:20] Speaker A: Because it'll change how you feel about goal setting.
[00:27:23] Speaker B: Exactly. Yeah. You take the next question.
[00:27:26] Speaker A: Let's take the question. Just because we're on a time constraint.
[00:27:28] Speaker B: Guys, it's 11111 1.
[00:27:31] Speaker A: There you go. So the next question is, I am currently in business and have recently started posting my work online. I noticed that when I get little to no engagement, my energy drops and I feel like I want to give up. Feels like no one cares. What tips do you have around this?
[00:27:44] Speaker B: This is something I've experienced so many times.
So many times.
[00:27:50] Speaker A: And very common. It's very, very common. It is. And especially in the online space when you are, we are like the, like, we're taught a lot about the algorithm and how to get more engagement. Like that is like the number one thing a lot of strategy teachers, like, strategy teachers help business owners with in terms of social media.
[00:28:09] Speaker B: Right.
[00:28:09] Speaker A: And this isn't to shit on that at all.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:11] Speaker A: But it's normal to feel that way given a lot of information around. There is about vanity metrics.
[00:28:16] Speaker B: So on top of that, these apps are actually designed to increase your need and want of like the validation coming through. Like with the likes coming through and all of those sorts of things. So this is like, this is. I have so many things to say on this. I don't even know where to start. I'm like, okay, where do we start? So first things first, likes, views, all of that shit means nothing. It literally means, it doesn't mean anything.
[00:28:47] Speaker A: And this is in regards to the person having a business, right? Yeah. In regards to a business and in general it doesn't, it doesn't mean anything about you. But if you're selling a service, products or anything, they actually do not equal anything. They do not mean anything about your business. Yeah.
[00:29:00] Speaker B: So some people might argue okay, but it gets you more reach and it gets the stuff out there and da, da, da, da. Yes, those things are correct.
[00:29:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:29:08] Speaker B: But it does, it's not the make or break as to whether or not you're going to like, you know, hit your targets and shit like that.
[00:29:15] Speaker A: Absolutely not. Like I've had posts with very little engagement. I actually did a program on not giving your power to comments and likes and all that. And that that launch went really, really well and I actually had the lowest engagement. Ironic. Thank you, universe.
[00:29:31] Speaker B: No, actually it's funny. Some of my best launches have been the lowest engagement online. So it just goes to show that it has nothing to do with that. Think about how many times you're engaging with content that you're feeling inspired by that you don't even interact with. I know, I do it. I know.
[00:29:46] Speaker A: You don't even know.
[00:29:47] Speaker B: You don't even liking it. You're not even interacting with it. You're not telling the person. Wow, this is incredible. So there so many people consuming you right now that are feeling inspired by what you're saying and the work that you're doing. So don't let the lack of the like engagement external validation throw you off course. Also not even just that. Do you know how many times people can just like find you on a day and just.
[00:30:10] Speaker A: I know, like find you. They don't know who you are.
[00:30:12] Speaker B: I don't know who you are. They're just like, I had a, I had a person that I like was a. She was my client when I was doing readings. She wasn't even following me online. So she wasn't looking at any of my shit. I think she was on my email list and then like out of nowhere, she hadn't even spoken to me. And then she just dropped like literally thousands of dollars to work. Yeah. And I was just like paid in full.
[00:30:31] Speaker A: I sent out a half written email. So the bottom half of.
[00:30:35] Speaker B: Oh my God, I remember that.
[00:30:36] Speaker A: No, I said no. It was actually the system. It wasn't even me. I don't even know what happened. It was in my drafts on mail alight and the next morning.
[00:30:42] Speaker B: Universe.
[00:30:43] Speaker A: That was the universe. Right. It wasn't one, it was a couple people. That's great that I sent half an email and I'm not promoting doing half assed work, but this was in my drafts and I was promoting an offer that I was doing and I had someone, I think there was like three or four sentences about the offer sent it out and people, a couple people had responded saying, wait, how do they sign up? Because they didn't have like the link at the bottom. I'm like, there was half an email and that was like, there you go. Like, you know, we're Worried about like not doing the best or being perfect and having the best engagement and all that. And like, like you know, look what happens. And that's because I genuinely don't believe in being perfect. I believe in alignment. I believe in that sort of stuff. So.
[00:31:24] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:31:24] Speaker A: That's why that was my experience.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: So, so you might be like okay, well how do I stop caring? Because I know for a long time I heard don't care, just show up and like do your thing. And this was really hard for me to do. And I would end up ghosting my social media going quiet after periods of non engagement. Right. And it was, it was, it was. Is exactly right. It's this wound of feeling like you're rejected. You're not heard. People don't think what you're doing is like powerful. So then you start going quiet and that is your opportunity right now. The fact that this is being presented in your experience as you're showing up. These are the feelings that are coming up. The universe is gifting you this opportunity to release the parts of you that rely on external validation in order to take up up space in order to feel like your work is powerful. So this is your opportunity to let that go.
[00:32:14] Speaker A: Yeah. 100 that what something I've learned through this journey is. And I know this is in regards to likes and comments and all that but like that question in itself is about giving your power away to anything outside of yourself. And something I've learned. I'm like the universe will never test you. It never wants to, you know, just put you through the wringer for the sake of it. But what it's doing is reflecting where you put your power outside of yourself. That's when every trigger comes up, every wound comes back down to where you put your power outside of yourself. And that's going to be no different to anything you do in your business. Your business will be a mirror for when you outside things are. Things that are outside your control are eating away at you. So it's really, really important to work on the parts of you that feel rejected. Have those shadows come up.
[00:33:00] Speaker B: I want to give you a little like story time here about this happening for me. Like this, this, this happening to me because I was like really stuck in the self fulfilling prophecy of being like I'm getting no, I feel powerful. I'm gonna show the up. I'm gonna take up space and then I would do that. I wouldn't receive the likes, the validation and then I would go quiet and then I would like end up ghosting. Social media post here and there, not really showing up. And even though I was like showing up, I wasn't showing up in this like powerful energy of like being connected to my work and things like that. Because I was like wavering every single time. I wasn't receiving the validation. And it was this cycle. And once I recognized the cycle, I was like, okay, I'm no longer gonna do that. No longer look at like I'm no longer gonna look at what's happening or what's not, what's not happening. And I'm not going to react to it and decide that, you know, now I'm gonna go quiet, decide that my work's not powerful, whatever it is. Right. Or like start to like have feed beliefs of nobody's there, nobody cares, what's the point?
So I told my like this, this is when this code dropped. And it was this knowing of everything that I can see right now in my 3D is a representation of who I've been, not where I'm going.
[00:34:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:08] Speaker B: And what's possible.
This is outside of like fully not identifying with the 3D, this was a point where I was still kind of giving my power to the 3D. But still this is still a helpful like way to.
[00:34:19] Speaker A: It's still important to have that understanding even if you're not focusing on those sort of things because it's, it's still important to understand that anything can happen and be open to life and you.
[00:34:30] Speaker B: Are co creating this experience. So having that knowledge, it's like this code came down. I was like, okay, cool. Everything around me is just a reflection of who I've been, not where I'm going. So am I going to continue to respond in the same way that I've been responding that's been creating the same result again and again? Or am I going to choose to be different as I go through this experience? Because that is the only way that I can truly expect a different experience. Experience for myself. A different reality. Right. It's like, how can I enter a different experience if I'm in the same experience responding the same way? So I started to re recognize, okay, this is just like a representation of the past. So I stopped identifying with it and I was like, no focusing on where I'm going and who I'm being and my voice and being loud and taking up space and owning my work and you know, basically screaming from the rooftops like, this is what I do and I'm excited to work with you, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it literally that it ended up Being like, best launch ever. Clients, like, literally pouring through the doors after months of nothing. Months of nothing. Yeah, nothing. Like, I was like, where the fuck is. Where are these people coming from?
[00:35:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:38] Speaker B: So it's so important to get yourself, like, out of that cycle and just like, wake up, wake up, wake up. You know, the clicking, the side of.
[00:35:46] Speaker A: The episode, the waiter.
[00:35:48] Speaker B: You know what I mean? But just like, yeah, it's. It's so, so, so important. So I hope that this helps you wake up and it gets you to be like, okay, yeah, what the am I doing? I'm giving my power away to these external things. Not anymore. Let's get back to power.
[00:36:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that.
[00:36:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:02] Speaker A: I think any.
Any question along those lines of, like, projecting your power is always going to come down to bringing your power back to remembering who the fuck you are.
[00:36:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Remembering who the you are. And these, like, external things really don't matter. I do have a question. Okay. So somebody wrote, if you were just starting out and you wanted to create 10k or 5k consistent months, what would you do?
[00:36:28] Speaker A: Oh, that's a good question.
[00:36:30] Speaker B: I think our answer is going to be a little bit different.
[00:36:33] Speaker A: Yeah. So I don't really enjoy the concept of.
For me, I don't feel like I enjoy the concept of having a numeric. It feels limiting to me to put a number on where I want to go or what I want to do. So for me, I don't really vibe with that, and that's not kind of how I work. I don't really put numbers and metrics and things like that as any, especially as I've had to heal parts of me that, you know, when I don't get my goals, I go into being a failure and all that. Like, that's really important. Like, if you do have any wounds where you're. You're constantly hard on yourself and you're just in this cycle of putting your goals above yourself, it is really important to maybe take a step out of and clean the energy up around that. So firstly, there's that. And then second of all, I really, really recommend entrepreneurs.
Before you get so much, so deep into strategy work and, you know, focusing so much on what you're doing as a. As a measure of your result, what I would really be tuning into, if I could redo all of this, the biggest thing I would do is understand and really start to embody that. It's not necessarily what I need to do in order to get there. It's who I'm being that's really really important. It's not what I'm doing that's going to create the 10k, 15k months, it's who I'm being. I love that you're doing comes as a result of your being. So that's not me saying like, you don't have to do anything. What I'm saying is who you are being and what you're doing will be a byproduct of who you're being.
[00:38:16] Speaker B: I completely agree. I think that that would be the one thing that I would focus on as well and really hone in on because so many people and I've. I've been in this situation where I've like taken clients and they've said things like, you know, I'm doing all of the things I'm moving as this version of me. Why aren't I getting different results? Why is the same limiting things happening? Why aren't I attracting the client? And all of the things like I'm pushing myself, I'm spending money on the ment. And I know I had that moment as well. Right. When I was moving from just taking action. I was like, I was taking action, taking action, taking action. I'm like, why isn't there a different experience like stretching myself and I'm putting myself out there. I'm stepping into my fears. And the thing is, I was taking action that looked like it was in alignment with this like, future self that I had in mind. But I was taking the action from lack, from limitation, from worry. Like, that was my dominant frequency. I was, was spending time there. I was holding on to those frequencies. And like, this is just so important to understand because literally, like, the action you take is not necessarily going to result in the things that you want.
[00:39:21] Speaker A: No.
[00:39:22] Speaker B: And you've likely experienced that time and time again.
[00:39:23] Speaker A: We have so much evidence of that. Like there's multi millionaires who don't do all day.
[00:39:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:28] Speaker A: Or there's a lot of successful people that like, just feel like abundance magnets. And it's like they don't necessarily do a lot. Like, but. And then there is people that hustle and grind and don't have anything to really show for it. They don't have results. So we have so much evidence of this being the truth.
[00:39:46] Speaker B: Right? Exactly.
[00:39:47] Speaker A: And it's like, what do we actually. I feel like when I was in this space, like, and if I was starting my business, I used to hear that a lot. Like, what do you mean by like, who you're being? And like to just kind of give an example of What I mean by, like, it's what we mean when it's like, who you're being, not what you're doing. It's like, are you someone who wakes up in the morning excited by your business? Are you someone who is actually open to possibility of things happening in your business? Are you excited? Are you wanting to show up in your business? Do you feel aligned to your business? Are you excited to do it outside of the results? Right. And if you show up in that energy, are you someone who also has an abundant mindset? Are you just open to what life has to offer you? And that when you are that person, then you naturally have inspiration, you naturally are guided by life. The steps that you need to do, show up, and that is what creates those results.
[00:40:41] Speaker B: I completely agree. And this is actually something I have. Like, this is a conversation I've had to have with clients when they get into this frequency. And it's this, like, tough conversation I had to have with myself as well when I was here. And I was like, can you truly say that you are being the embodied version of you? Like, yes, you're doing the things, like you're taking the action, but in every moment of every day, are you letting go of the parts of you that keep you in separation? Or are you ignoring? Are you bypassing? Are you pushing down? Are you still holding on to these problem frequencies? Like, who are you actually being? Be honest with yourself and that is going to give you the answers as to why you are where you're at and why you're experiencing what you're experiencing.
[00:41:23] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:41:24] Speaker B: So, yeah, I'm also like you, I don't love numerical goals when it comes to, like, business. I've never loved that.
[00:41:30] Speaker A: I never love that. But I think, like, if we've played with for a period of time, yeah.
[00:41:34] Speaker B: We'Ve played with it here and there. Like, we've tried.
[00:41:36] Speaker A: It's like, really limiting. And I think, like, for anyone that's trying to heal, pedestaling their goals and kind of even healing their relationship to trusting life and not trying and not pushing, I think, like, just even just like practicing more so being open as opposed to, like, specific numbers. And just like, for me to give you an example, when I'm in a launch or something like that, rather than being like, I want to hit 15 people, it feels like I want to be open to what this experience is going to be and who's going to show up in there is going to show up in there, right?
[00:42:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:42:07] Speaker A: But be mindful when I'm saying that, like, you don't want to be doing that from a place of like feeling like no one's there and blah, blah, because like that. You know what I mean? Because a lot of people say like a goal is really important, so then you have something to work towards, which is, yes, that's true. And that can work. But then I also feel that a lot of people don't know how to practice being open without being attached to a number or needing a number to be there.
[00:42:31] Speaker B: Yeah, no, that's true. Because you can also say I don't really care who shows up. From a closed off energy. From my heart. Yeah. Given up. Because I haven't, you know, I've had xyz failed launch and it hurts my heart basically.
[00:42:46] Speaker A: And it feels easier to just be like, I don't care how many people join.
[00:42:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:42:49] Speaker A: From an energy of like, I don't want to get heartbroken or I don't want to say a number because I don't want to be disappointed. So you just really have to be careful with that.
[00:42:56] Speaker B: You'll know what's happening within you. As soon as we're saying these things, the truth will react. Like, you'll feel it. You'll know, okay, this is me. This is what I'm doing. So, you know, own that. Be willing to say that. But yeah, I love that answer. Is it my turn? Tux? Oh, no, you.
[00:43:11] Speaker A: Yeah, my turn.
[00:43:12] Speaker B: Do we have time? Okay.
[00:43:13] Speaker A: Should we turn this into a part two?
[00:43:15] Speaker B: I know.
[00:43:15] Speaker A: Do we.
[00:43:16] Speaker B: Should we.
[00:43:17] Speaker A: And we. Do we launch another second episode? Because I think this was really good.
[00:43:20] Speaker B: Yeah. Decorate our. So I think let's do it.
[00:43:22] Speaker A: Part two.
[00:43:23] Speaker B: Okay. I like that idea. Part two coming then let you know.
[00:43:26] Speaker A: When it's coming because.
[00:43:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, we'll likely do it when you get back from work. Yeah.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: So I am going away for another week. So.
[00:43:33] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:33] Speaker A: If you're listening to this, it'll be very shortly after we'll post part two. Part two?
[00:43:39] Speaker B: Yeah, it'll be literally the next episode.
[00:43:40] Speaker A: The next episode. Yeah. For sure. Yeah.
[00:43:42] Speaker B: That'll be really fun.
[00:43:44] Speaker A: So can we just. Can I just add something to that?
[00:43:46] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:46] Speaker A: Okay. So Shirley and I, we're planning to do two episodes today because I'm going to Bali and we just wanted to be consistent in showing up for the podcast with the season seasons with the new structure. Again, obviously we're flowy with that, but it didn't feel we weren't. We didn't have an inspiration for a second episode and from letting go of that, not having to need to Be there or whatever. Like, that inspiration just came, and we just got our idea to split this up.
[00:44:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:15] Speaker A: Literally. I didn't think about that. Everything's so synchronous.
[00:44:18] Speaker B: Actually, that's a really good example of being led.
[00:44:20] Speaker A: Being led.
[00:44:21] Speaker B: I didn't even recognize that because we were like, we don't know what we're gonna do.
[00:44:24] Speaker A: Yeah. And I said to her, I don't want to do anything from force. Like, I understand. I'm going away. And we have committed to this, but at the same time, I don't believe in force. And it's like, well, it. Maybe we need a little bit of space before we come up with. Or we feel inspired to talk about something else. Right.
[00:44:39] Speaker B: Yet we still have the expectation to not miss an episode.
[00:44:42] Speaker A: Exactly. Right. We still have that.
[00:44:44] Speaker B: We have a standard with that.
[00:44:45] Speaker A: It doesn't feel.
[00:44:46] Speaker B: Yeah, it doesn't feel.
[00:44:47] Speaker A: You have a standard. So naturally it shows up. So. Yeah.
[00:44:50] Speaker B: I actually love that. I love that you pointed that out. I did not recognize that. Love that for us. There was something I wanted to say. If you have any questions. If you're listening to this and you're like, oh, my God, I want to get my questions answered in the next, like, potty.
[00:45:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:01] Speaker B: Then shoot them through either, like, to our. We have, like, a consciously thriving Instagram.
[00:45:06] Speaker A: Or TikTok or our personal.
[00:45:08] Speaker B: And we can definitely include it in the next episode that we do and promise we won't talk about hospitality and more time for questions.
[00:45:18] Speaker A: Yeah. No, honestly, thank you so much. Don't forget to like and subscribe if you're watching on YouTube. We appreciate it. Let us know how you found the episode, what you love about it, and. Yeah.
[00:45:29] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you for being here and watching the episodes.
[00:45:33] Speaker A: See you next in a couple weeks.
[00:45:35] Speaker B: Peace.
[00:45:35] Speaker A: Bye.
What.
