Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello and welcome back to the consciously thriving podcast.
[00:00:04] Speaker B: Hello. Oh my gosh. It's been a hot minute.
[00:00:08] Speaker A: Honestly, I feel like the last couple times we had a sound problem.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: Yeah. We tried to sit down and film an episode last week, but I think everyone in my neighborhood decided to do the loudest thing.
[00:00:20] Speaker A: Yeah. And then we, like, maybe it's not so bad. So we filmed it for like a little bit.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Yeah. And then try to see if you could.
[00:00:26] Speaker A: Yeah, we played a bag. We're like, imagine you had like, if you.
[00:00:29] Speaker B: I put.
[00:00:29] Speaker A: Because I put the headphones in. I was like, imagine I.
[00:00:31] Speaker B: That would have turned off the episode. I wouldn't have fucking listened to it. No.
[00:00:34] Speaker A: Shattered like a chainsaw and just going. And you could barely hear us.
[00:00:38] Speaker B: Yeah, it was pretty loud. Pretty intense. And it's really funny cause I have such quiet neighbours.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Yeah, well, it was a public holiday.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: It was. Everyone and their dog were out. But that's okay. We just took it as an opportunity. We ended up having a picnic instead.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: Yeah, we did.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: Auntie Busta. It was nice.
[00:00:56] Speaker A: Took the day. Took the day.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, what are you gonna do? You gotta surrender to it.
[00:01:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Because you're 30 minutes away from my house. So for me it's like, well, I just came all this way, I may as well, may as well not go.
[00:01:08] Speaker B: Back exactly for a little bit. But anyway, anyway, what are we going to talk about today? This was Nadia's idea. It was a really good idea. So I think it's going to be a good conversation.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah. So it was actually came to me yesterday when my partner and I were doing a little bit of shadow work on each other, which was a bit of fun. And I'm like, why don't we actually like delve into a little bit about relationships and what we've learned? What we've learned because both you and I have had very long term relationships. So they were with us prior to our awakening and prior to like going down this, like, I guess.
[00:01:39] Speaker B: Well, how long have you been with Anthony?
[00:01:40] Speaker A: Twelve years.
[00:01:41] Speaker B: Twelve years. So then I'm eleven years.
[00:01:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:44] Speaker B: High school. Since high school.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: High school sweethearts.
[00:01:47] Speaker B: It's a long time to grow up with someone.
[00:01:50] Speaker A: I was actually thinking about this yesterday. We have gone through so much with them. Like, if you think about it, like, we left high school together with our partners. So you go through that stage of being in high school and then you go into university. We both went to uni. So then we had that period of time where we were both at university.
Daniel was at university.
[00:02:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:10] Speaker A: Anthony was at TAFE, but hit same, like, schooling. You meet, like, you go through that chapter of, like, figuring out yourself.
[00:02:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:16] Speaker A: And then you. We went into, like, finishing our courses and starting full time work, which is, like, such. Another iteration. Like, more than what we were doing. Like, they'd just be parts of your life and where you learn from those, like, big iterations.
[00:02:28] Speaker B: And then on top of that, like Covid, like, going through such a significant, like, world event.
[00:02:35] Speaker A: Well, you. Oh, I was about to say I didn't live with Anthony during COVID but I did.
[00:02:38] Speaker B: Yeah, you did. Yeah, the last. Yeah, I lived with Dan throughout that entire thing. Like, we moved out at the start of COVID Yeah, the very, like, I remember, like, the very next day we were looking at the news and we were just like, what have we done? We were so scared.
But, yeah, it was wild. And I think so many people broke up during COVID Right.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: Either broke up or had babies.
[00:03:03] Speaker B: Yeah, I get the babies.
[00:03:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:06] Speaker B: But, yeah, the breaking up because it's, like, intense to be in somebody's space like that. Yeah, but I felt like, yeah, we really have just grown together continuously.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: I would say the biggest growth I've had with my partner has been, I'd say, the last six to twelve months.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I think so for you guys as well. It's been a big growth period for you guys, but I think for me and Dan as well, like, in different ways. The other day, we're actually in the car. It's funny. We're having this, like, conversation now, but Dan, like, turned around and he looked at me and he's like, it's so funny. He's like, you are literally both the girl that I outgrew and the girl that I want to be with. And I was just like, oh, that's so, so cute.
[00:03:48] Speaker A: That's really cute.
[00:03:49] Speaker B: Yeah. I was just like, wow. But it's true, right? Yeah, it's like you outgrow that version of them, but then it's like they turn into somebody else, you know?
[00:03:58] Speaker A: Oh, my God. I feel that that's, like Anthony as well. Like, he was that person that I feel like I've outgrown. And then also, the girl you want to be with, the guy.
[00:04:08] Speaker B: The guy.
[00:04:09] Speaker A: The guy that he's a girl who he's become is someone I admire.
[00:04:15] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful. We have an inside joke. I call Anthony a female because he just does.
[00:04:21] Speaker A: Like, I'm the boy.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: Yeah. I say Nadia's the boy in the relationship and Anthony's the female.
[00:04:25] Speaker A: You would think that means that I, like, take the lead on everything and that's actually the opposite. Anthony takes the lead in a very masculine way, but yeah, he's very masculine.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: But then he's also very feminine.
[00:04:36] Speaker A: Feminine. Like, he also, like, for example, like, we want to get married and he will be very involved in that process.
[00:04:44] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Like, he'll be so involved, it'll be the Anthony show.
[00:04:47] Speaker A: Yeah, we're kind of working on that part where he gets to just relax and. Yeah, like, he just cares so much about everything.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: Everything he does. But that's actually a quality I really like about him. I know he's passionate.
[00:04:59] Speaker A: He can make many friends anywhere because he's got multitude of passions.
[00:05:03] Speaker B: Yeah, like, I just love it. I love that he gives himself to, like, everything that he does. Like, there's really rare people like that. You know what I mean?
[00:05:10] Speaker A: Well, yesterday he's just like, like, maybe I want to own a pizza shop.
[00:05:13] Speaker B: Fuck off.
[00:05:14] Speaker A: Shut up. He did not say that.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: No, he didn't.
[00:05:16] Speaker A: No, he did not see myself after.
[00:05:19] Speaker B: Shut the fuck up.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: Like, maybe later in life, like, just to.
[00:05:23] Speaker B: He needs to shut the fuck up.
[00:05:26] Speaker A: Well, then why don't you do it now, babe?
[00:05:27] Speaker B: Stop encouraging it.
[00:05:29] Speaker A: Go for it. That's on your plate.
[00:05:31] Speaker B: Okay. No, this is Anthony's thing. This whole podcast is about Anthony just talking shit.
No, like, this is Anthony's thing. He is like, he gets so passionate to the point where he convinces himself that this is his thing.
He's done it with fishing, motorbikes, cycling, and he's like. His entire personality revolves around that thing. Oh, my God. I'm like that.
[00:05:53] Speaker A: But can you see one thing that has stayed the same is for someone who chops and changes what I think he just likes to explore different things.
[00:06:01] Speaker B: It's like rock climbing.
[00:06:02] Speaker A: Rock climbing, climbing, fishing. Now he's into cooking pizzas in his new pizza oven that he bought. He just has a multitude of passions been the same.
[00:06:11] Speaker B: Bonsais at one point.
[00:06:12] Speaker A: Bonsais, yeah, but he still does those things. Bike riding. Yeah, but he. One thing that has stayed the same ever since I've known him is that he wanted to do architecture. Yeah, that's one thing that's never changed.
[00:06:23] Speaker B: It's funny you think, like, you said that I was thinking about that. I was like, wow, he was connected to that passion ever since he was younger.
[00:06:29] Speaker A: Yeah. And maybe it's because he has been taught that not to change fields or anything like that or stick to the thing. So he's kind of always had a structured mindset with his career. So it's kind of like, well, I can't just chop and change every 5 seconds. He's probably had those thoughts, but I do believe he would be that type of person that is so open to a new venture. Yeah, I really do. But I'm like, why hasn't that happened? But I just think like he enjoys what he does.
[00:06:56] Speaker B: He loves it. He does feel it. Yeah, he loves it so much.
[00:07:00] Speaker A: Design. He likes the design.
[00:07:02] Speaker B: Yeah, I think he really loves his craft, like what he does. He gives his all to it.
[00:07:06] Speaker A: Yeah. And like, I tell him like, he should start like painting again because he.
[00:07:10] Speaker B: Really, he's actually quite good painting.
[00:07:12] Speaker A: He draws and stuff.
[00:07:13] Speaker B: Oh, he draws, yeah, he's quite artistic. He's, he draws as well.
[00:07:16] Speaker A: He sometimes like will get the design of like the client and then because he does everything on a 3d render computer, he likes to go back to old school and actually just like design it on the, like a piece of paper.
[00:07:29] Speaker B: Right? Yeah, yeah. Can't relate to.
[00:07:32] Speaker A: Not me, not me. But I'm like, you should just like sit outside in the sun and just design them if you like it.
[00:07:39] Speaker B: Yeah, you should.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: It's like his inner child comes out. Yeah, but his whole family is pretty artistic too. Like, Carmelina can draw paint.
[00:07:46] Speaker B: Really?
[00:07:47] Speaker A: I think Hiara is quite good as well, I don't think. Yeah. Rob, who's his brother, sorry, siblings, but yeah, right.
[00:07:55] Speaker B: No, Dan can draw as well.
[00:07:56] Speaker A: Yeah, Dan's a little bit artistic. You and I.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: You and I cannot fucking draw for the fucking life of me. It is so bad. Yeah, I hate it. Like, I think I have a friend and she's always trying to get me to go to this thing called like a pain and sip. She's not always trying, she's just suggested it a couple of times.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: You're drunk.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: Yeah, but like, I actually, like, I don't have fun because I hate it, you know? And she's just like, you don't have to care about what you put on the thing. And I was just like, but I do, and I hate it. Like, I just don't like looking at it.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: No, you don't. But one time I went to the NGV, like the National Gallery of Victoria. Sorry. And we had to like sit down and draw things. And I was like, you think you don't care, but I'm just like, I was embarrassed because everyone was whipping out some really good shit and I was like, now I have to get like, now it's just like insulting at this.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: Point, for myself, like, honestly, I was just. No, I just get frustrated. I don't know. Not for us, clearly. Anyway, off fucking topic. Let's get back to what we wanted to discuss. So being in such long term relationships really has put us through a lot of, like, different iterations of us. Like we said, we've grown up with the. Our partners, even with each other, we've grown up. Our relationship has so, like, it's matured so much, and we've. We've really grown. But we wanted to talk about, like, the shadow aspect to relationships.
[00:09:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:21] Speaker B: And I really feel like we. We've changed our stance on how we, like, navigate ourselves without partners now. Like, I think the way that we go about it is so different. And we want to talk about that because a lot of what we've, like, the new iteration of, like, how we navigate things is really, like, self responsibility. Yeah.
[00:09:43] Speaker A: I think, like, dropping the spirit. Like, I feel like when we first had our spiritual awakening, it was came from what was coming from ego.
[00:09:52] Speaker B: Like, yeah.
[00:09:52] Speaker A: Entitled energy. So now I guess it's completely dropping the spiritual ego that thinks it's the ego.
[00:10:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: The part of us we know best and that.
[00:10:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:04] Speaker A: You know, so it's been.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: The spiritual ego is definitely, like, what we want to highlight here, because at the start of our awakening journey, we really were all, like, on this, like, high and mighty horse of, like, we're awakened and we know, like, you know, like, there's negativity and my partner is, like, negative and doing this and saying this about money and saying this about life and blah, blah, blah. And you're just like, you project so much fucking shit onto them. And I know that we did. I definitely, I did, for sure. And I feel like there have been, like, different stages of my awakening where I realized, like, I went through that stage really early on where I needed Daniel to see this world, but I needed him to see it from a place of I don't trust myself, so I need him to validate it so that I don't feel fucking crazy. Right. So then it was like I needed him to see. And then I realized I was like, I keep projecting and pushing this, like, like, it's like a preacher. I was like, like, pushing this onto him, and I was like, if anyone was doing that to me, I'd want to reject it. It's gross, right? I'm just like, fuck off.
[00:11:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:05] Speaker B: And that really did, like, put such a, like, a wedge in our relationship. And that actually was a period where we were thinking about breaking up, because I was thinking about, like, whether or not I want to be with someone who doesn't have this sort of, like, mindset.
[00:11:21] Speaker A: It's funny what the ego does.
[00:11:23] Speaker B: Right. And likewise with him, he's like, do I want to fucking be with a preacher? Like, this is so annoying. You know what I mean? Like, the man couldn't breathe.
[00:11:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:32] Speaker B: Manifestation is real. Yeah. So then, yeah, he was like, I remember that time, like, we really were gonna break up. Like, we were in the. I remember we were in the forest and we're talking about it, and we're like, fuck, I don't know if this is gonna work now. Like, we're just so different.
[00:11:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:46] Speaker B: But then I realized I was just like. I did some shadow work, and I was just like, I'm really trying to get him to see my point of view because I don't trust myself.
[00:11:55] Speaker A: Yeah. It's all. Everything's a mirror.
[00:11:56] Speaker B: Yeah. So I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna, like, take back my power. And that was, like, the best thing because I took a step back, and then that, funnily enough, opens him up. Right. It's like, that actually opened him up to wanting to, like, learn about the world and just be more respectful with it, because I think at that point, he was, like, he wasn't being respectful as well because of how much I was pushing.
[00:12:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:16] Speaker B: So he, like, would really talk a lot of shit about the spiritual path, which would make me, like, bite back harder.
[00:12:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:21] Speaker B: But what was so interesting is that.
[00:12:23] Speaker A: Do you remember, like, any specific things that you did?
[00:12:26] Speaker B: Anything that we did.
[00:12:30] Speaker A: I remember for me.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:33] Speaker A: I felt like. So I think, like, a lot of people have questions of, like, when do you.
And this is a fair enough question, but, like, when you're actually dating someone, when are you, like, parting from them, or when are you separating in a relationship? Not from ego.
[00:12:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:49] Speaker A: And the biggest thing I've learned through this is it really should come from a neutral place. Like, I don't believe, like, if it's time to part from someone that it would be specifically easy, but there would be this energy of, like, I've outgrown this person and there would feel, like, a disconnect in, like, who you are. But, like, until you can actually get to that neutral place and there's no judgment, there's no, I'm better than you or whatever, I don't think it's appropriate to make those decisions until you've done the work. Right. So I feel like just to go back to what I was saying. I just highlighting that because I feel like so many people, like, get stuck in that.
[00:13:24] Speaker B: Yeah, no, stuck in, like, how do.
[00:13:25] Speaker A: You actually know when?
[00:13:26] Speaker B: Do you know of if it's time?
[00:13:27] Speaker A: Yeah. And I feel like when it fully comes from a neutral place, a respectful, neutral place.
[00:13:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:33] Speaker A: And for me, I remember something I used to do is just be like, he doesn't have, like, especially with money. I would put so much blame onto him and be like, I hate your mindset around money. I hate it. I hate it. But he was just reflecting you. Me?
[00:13:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:48] Speaker A: And that was, like, something I wrote down that I wanted to talk about as well, which was, like, really powerful, but.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: So we were talking about.
You asked me about the Daniel being disrespectful towards spirituality.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:14:05] Speaker B: So did you have any?
[00:14:07] Speaker A: No, mine was an example of when I would project onto Anthony. But we can get into that. So, like, yeah. Going back to.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I just thought, I don't know if you had that example, but, yeah, if you don't have that example, that's fine. But, yeah, like, this is essentially where we're getting to. It's like Daniel would do these things, like, for example, project onto spirituality, but it was actually reflecting myself, like, my own thoughts about spirituality, my own thoughts about this path that were, like, hidden beneath me. So it's like he would be this reflector, and then I would get mad at the things that he would do, and then I would project that onto him and be like, you need to change in order for me to feel better. But it was like I needed him to change so that this shadow within me wasn't getting illuminated.
[00:14:55] Speaker A: And what was that shadow? So Daniel would make fun of manifestation?
[00:14:58] Speaker B: Yes. It's been many things. So it's like, it was starting. It was like he would make fun of manifestation, right. And he'd like, be like, it's not like it's fake, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. Type of vibe. It's just a coincidence, blah, blah, blah. And that would trigger me, because within me, I genuinely actually believed that. And that's something within me that I did not see for a while. Right. That was, like, one of the biggest shadow work things I actually had to do in my business because there was always a part of me that was, like, holding back with what I would say. And it was, like, so subtle. Yet if you were an outsider looking into my life, you would have been like, oh, like, she looks like she believes in manifestation. Like, the way that I lived my life, the decisions I made, well, it.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: Feels like you could believe it to an extent.
[00:15:41] Speaker B: It's like, I believe you had evidence. Yeah. And it was like, there was always a part of me that was like, but what if it's fake? What if I'm in a pyramid scheme? What if I'm being lied to and I've just fallen for it? Right? So even though I had experiences, there was always that part of me that was quite skeptical. And if you don't know my story, I used to be an atheist coming into this world. So this was like, this really knocked me off my socks. I had no belief. Right? I was not a spiritual person. I did not like religion. Like, you know what I mean? So it was like, for me, it was like a big fucking thing. So I have, like, a big, like, awakening story where I just, like, thrown on my ass.
But, but essentially that's what it was. There was that part of me that he was highlighting that I would get so triggered and I would need him to be respectful towards the manifesting stuff so that the shadow doesn't get illuminated so I don't have to face as part of myself.
[00:16:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:31] Speaker B: And then this, like, changed as, like, our relationship went on. When I started to believe in my work and myself and my, I didn't need anyone outside of me to, like, prove this stuff to me. Then it changed to, like, what you just said there about money. Like, that was a big one for me, Dan, as well. I was like, I fucking hate how you talk about money, but why was I hating it so much? It's because he was reflecting how I genuinely, like, felt towards money. So I'm trying to control him so that he doesn't trigger my shadow side.
[00:17:00] Speaker A: Yeah. And a lot of people, like, sometimes it's hard to see in the moment where it's like, we hear these concepts of, like, everything is a mirror, but it's like something you have to really ask yourself, like, you know, if everything's a mirror, that means something's an aspect.
[00:17:16] Speaker B: Right?
[00:17:16] Speaker A: So if Anthony would say those things about money. Yeah. It was a reflection of, like, how I felt about money. Right. And now going through that, I can actually feel the difference. Like, if Ebony made a comment about manifestation now, it would feel zero.
[00:17:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: It would genuinely feel completely neutral. Not a need for him to see it, not a need for any of that. And not even a jump. There's no judgment there.
[00:17:38] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:38] Speaker A: I'm like, perfectly. You live your life how you want, if you don't have, want to adopt. I actually think that's fine.
[00:17:43] Speaker B: That.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: That is perfectly fine. I'm so proud of you. To live your life how you want to live it, but only having gone through that. And even with money, like, even with money, like, when he's feeling a certain way, like, when you're fully in your truth and what, you know, like, you're fully neutral to it. It's, like, fully, fully neutral to it.
[00:18:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: And that's why I think, like, when we do have these triggers and we do have these reactions to the things that our partners do, we have to actually own up in the parts that they're reflecting within us so we can actually heal, because a lot of the time, we're so quick, the ego, so quick to put the responsibility on our partners, and we want to change our relationship from. And this is another way you're giving your power away as well. We're so quick to want our partners to change or whatever without realizing the work always lies within you.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: Yeah, it really, really is.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: It's actually fucking wild how everything is just a mirror.
[00:18:38] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, it's wild. Literally every aspect of Daniel that I didn't like was an aspect within me. Yeah, every little thing. Like. Like, I remember one time I had this thing where I thought he was lazy in my head, but it was, like, me. I was judging that aspect of me.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:54] Speaker B: And, like, when you just see your, like, relationships like this.
Holy fucking shit. Do they change?
[00:19:02] Speaker A: They do.
[00:19:02] Speaker B: They change so much.
[00:19:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: Like, I feel like since me taking responsibility and, like, not projecting, like, the other day, this is so funny. This is like, a small little thing. This is, you know, just like, a little annoying thing that your partner does or whatever that, you know, you catch on to. But the other day, he did the bed. Right? He did the bed, but he did it in the way that I didn't like it. And I've told him, I was like, can you do it this way? Because for me, my space really matters. Like, I really care about it.
[00:19:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:34] Speaker B: And I really like, it makes me feel a certain way. Right. So it's like when he doesn't do the bed in the way that I.
[00:19:40] Speaker A: Like it, I feel like it's a boy thing, you know? Like, Anthony doesn't make the bed. Like.
[00:19:43] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't know.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: I'm not trying to be, like, just shaking around, but I'm like something with boys.
[00:19:47] Speaker B: It's just like the way he placed the pillows.
[00:19:49] Speaker A: Yeah, it's way they placed the pillows.
[00:19:50] Speaker B: Yeah. I was like. But I walked him through it one day, and I said that, and then when he didn't do it again, I just, like. There was a part of me, and I was, like, witnessing it. I wasn't, like. I wasn't reacting. I was just witnessing myself, and, like, what was truly coming up? And I was like, like, okay. A part of me feels annoyed right now. A part of me feels like, what's this true?
[00:20:12] Speaker A: What's the truth of, like, the story?
[00:20:13] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm telling you.
[00:20:14] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:20:14] Speaker B: Yeah. So it's like, I had to sit with it and just, like, you know, see it, and it was just like, okay. I feel disrespect. Disrespected. I feel like he didn't listen to me.
[00:20:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:22] Speaker B: That's what the cause, right. I was like, I feel disrespectful. Disrespected. Because I feel like he didn't listen to me. Right. I feel like he didn't actually listen to my wants. And then I sat with it, and then I was like, okay. I'm, like, letting it go, letting it go, letting it go. And then I have something come in, and then it was like. And this is exactly what you do to him with the cupboards. So, with the cupboards, I would just, like, stack everything in there, and I just don't care about, like, it being easy to access because I hate it.
[00:20:49] Speaker A: That triggers me that you do that. Yeah. It's so.
[00:20:53] Speaker B: It triggers everyone, but it triggers Daniel so much. Right. He hates it. Like, and he cooks.
[00:20:58] Speaker A: He cooks for us.
[00:20:59] Speaker B: So he's like. He. Like, literally.
And I do that, and he tells me time and time again, I don't like that.
[00:21:06] Speaker A: Don't do it.
[00:21:07] Speaker B: But I still do it.
[00:21:08] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's why I think, like, it's so funny you bring that up, because that was one of my points that I wanted to talk about today. Because it's like, we have these concepts that everything's a mirror, and that's, like, one part to it, because it's like, okay, they're showing us aspects of that. But, like, self responsibility in a relationship is realizing, like, what you are judging and what you are annoyed at someone. It actually means, like, for you to be a vibrational match in the relationship with someone. You do those things, too.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:33] Speaker A: It might not look the same, but you do do them.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:36] Speaker A: And they will look very different. And this is where self honesty comes into the play. Because it's, like, those things that you feel so strongly that your partner does that you wish they didn't.
I'm still yet to see it. I'm still yet to experience it where it's like, I don't do that in some capacity.
[00:21:51] Speaker B: I have not had an experience.
[00:21:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:54] Speaker B: Since you reflected that to me. Nadia reflected that to me, and I remember that. And I was, like, thinking about everything I didn't like in Daniel. And I was like, I do it, but just not in the same way.
[00:22:03] Speaker A: So a lot of people look at it in, like, a logical way. So it's like, for example, my partner is very. He can be a bit bossy. Like, he is a bit.
[00:22:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: That's the best way he can be bossy, because he likes his place. Like, likes things in a certain way.
[00:22:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:18] Speaker A: Right. I. In the house. So he likes, like, things being neat, his space being neat. Right. And so do I. But I don't project onto him the way he was projecting onto me about mess. But fuck, I did it in other ways. Like, I would project about the manifestation stuff. I would project around how I felt like he needed to be with his money. I would do those controlling things just in different ways. And it's like, if you actually just don't take a step back and you don't be so logical with it, you will see you somehow have those. Those things in you because you. You can't be a vibrational match to someone. You. You actually can't. Like, it's physically impossible to be in a relationship with someone that you do not have aspects of within yourself.
[00:23:03] Speaker B: Absolute.
[00:23:04] Speaker A: Or they're not reflecting something within you.
[00:23:06] Speaker B: Yeah. You're so. You're so. Right. So it's like, literally, it's. This can be a triggering conversation. Right. Because you're just like. This is about you taking a radical fucking responsibility for yourself.
[00:23:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:18] Speaker B: And for your relationship. Right. And how you are in the relationship. Because, like, honestly, a lot of the time, it actually has nothing to do with your life.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: It really doesn't.
[00:23:31] Speaker B: And, like, obviously, we're not talking about abusive situation different.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: We just put disclaimer, like, we're not talking about, like, physical, emotional abuse.
[00:23:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: To stay in those relationships or anything like that. But for the most part, you know, with that being the exception to the rule, for the most part, before you leave a relationship, I truly believe you need to be at a neutral place of web outgrowing each other. And, like, it cannot come from any form of judgment, fear, projection. It cannot come from that place. And you have to be really honest with yourself before you make that commitment.
[00:24:09] Speaker B: Yeah. You really, really do.
It requires radical honesty and, like. Sorry, go on.
[00:24:17] Speaker A: No, no, no. Go on, go on.
[00:24:18] Speaker B: I just was thinking, like, this conversation really feels like it's also, like, heading to something else that I wrote down about relationships, which is, like, something that I learned that I feel like has really improved my relationship with people. But Daniel as well. Like, specifically, is that, like, your partner is not responsible for your feelings. Right. And, like, this has obviously been, like, what we've been talking about, like, taking radical responsibility, looking within. Right. Doing the shadow work, and realizing that everything your partner does that you don't, like, live within you, you're a vibrational match to that. And then also, like, now it's like, okay, now how do we move through this? It's like realizing that they are not responsible for you feeling a certain way. Right. So it's like, Daniel is actually not responsible for making me feel loved. I need to feel loved first. Right. It's like, Daniel's not responsible. I actually learned this really in my, like, womb coaching era when I was, like, working with a womb coach, and she was teaching me about pleasure and things like that. And for a long time, I really made, like, Daniel responsible for my pleasure. Right. And I would be like, you know, he has to turn me on, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then she was just like, no, it's not his responsibility to turn you on, to make you feel turned on. You're responsible for your own, like, sexual frequency. Right. And when I started to take that seriously, I was like, oh, my God. Like, he's not responsible for those things. Like, I'm responsible for making myself turned on and wanting to, like, be in the mood and things like that. Like, I'm responsible for that.
[00:25:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:48] Speaker B: So that was, like, a big realization for me, because then I apply it literally to everything in the relationship where I'm like, he's not responsible for making me feel secure and safe and any of that happy. I have to give that to myself first, outside of him.
[00:26:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:05] Speaker B: And that's, like, for me, I felt like I have. I had a strong abandonment wound. So this has been an interesting one for me to work through with, like, in the relationship, because it's like, I used to get really concerned about his.
Like, whenever he would have, like, an off day or he was, like, emotionally not there, like, I would be the one that was, like, pestering him, and I'd be like, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? It's like, tell me you're okay so that we can figure. So I can make sure that you're okay and you don't leave me. Right. It's like, that's where it was coming from. Yeah. So it was really interesting because I really, really, really tried to control how he, like, felt and, like, yeah, it was interesting.
[00:26:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Something I was gonna say, like, in this topic, I think, like, some, one of the other points I wrote down is, like, and this all comes back down to similar concepts of, like, everything's a mirror, but it's been kind of refreshing. I feel like a lot of people when they hear this, it's triggering at first, but it's actually the most peaceful, refreshing work you'll ever do in your life. But dropping expectation on what you think your partner needs to be like and what they kind of need, like, how you want them to be is just not only just having an expectation of what you think is right or how you need them to be, not only does that make them feel safe, but it's so fucking miserable for you. You know what I mean? Like, how refreshing it is to just feel, like, with my partner, like, not expecting them. Because a lot of people get into this world and they put their, like, people being into, like, spirituality. Like, their partner's doing that and they'll look at, like, how easy is it to romanticize a relationship that you see online or that you hear about and be like, you know, I want my partner to be like that. And having that conscious awareness to be, like, not projecting how you want them to be. Like, I feel like it's actually quite a good practice of gratitude.
[00:27:57] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:58] Speaker A: You actually learn to love that partner for who they are, and, like, that's the safest and the best thing you could. That's the best version of yourself you could be in the relationship. But that's the best form of love you can give someone to make them feel safe, to be who they truly are. And when I've dropped all the expectation of Anthony needs to be into manifestation, he needs to see money the way I do, he needs to think the way I do, he needs to do that. And whilst I do, I do have an expectation that we can hold each other in our blind spots and we can help each other grow. I have dropped the expectation of any part of me that I didn't like about him, that he was, like, too organized, too controlling, all of those things. Having dropped those, I feel like we've created more of a safe space for each other to be that. And I think that's, like, the best thing you could give your partner.
[00:28:43] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree. I think that being able to do that in any relationship that you have is really, like, the biggest gift you can give anyone. Right, sorry, we have an alarm going.
Sorry, guys. Oh, good. What do you have to do? What's. What do you mean?
[00:29:01] Speaker A: I don't know who that was.
[00:29:04] Speaker B: Did you just call me Bella?
[00:29:05] Speaker A: No, I was like.
[00:29:07] Speaker B: I thought you just called me Bella. I was like.
[00:29:08] Speaker A: I didn't say that word. Imagine we go back, and I actually did say it, and I swear, what.
[00:29:12] Speaker B: I did, that would be literally, I throw you out.
No, I agree. I think, like, the. It really is the most freeing thing because you realize I. Wow. Like, you actually realize that you end up. You have, like, such a beautiful relationship, right? And, like, you just see all of the shit that you. You've, like, projected from your ego, self.
[00:29:34] Speaker A: Like, from your wants, whatever this is. And when you have such high expectations. I'm gonna be honest. Like, that's. This is when people get into, like, the dating scene and they can't find the right one. I'm like, well, maybe it's hard to find the right one when you're in a place of, like, your ego is telling you what you think you need.
[00:29:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:54] Speaker A: When your ego is projecting on to what you think is gonna be best for you. And, like, this comes back down to, like, such a form of surrender, too, isn't it?
[00:30:01] Speaker B: Right.
[00:30:01] Speaker A: Because surrender is really this practice of stop responding to life, to what you think life should look like, what you. What you really want, and all those things. And it's like. And when you apply that to partnerships, it's like you end up manifesting the most beautiful fucking relationship.
[00:30:19] Speaker B: Yeah. And I. I think, like, every. Like, whenever people, like, leave relationships because they're unhappy, and you'll notice that it, like, comes out in another relationship, it'll manifest again.
[00:30:31] Speaker A: You haven't dealt with the wounds.
[00:30:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:30:32] Speaker A: Dealt with.
[00:30:33] Speaker B: It's like the same shit over and over again. Like, that's the biggest thing I've really learned in, like, being such a. In a long term relationship. I realize I'm like, you really go through, like, stages, but it's, like, in that communication, that commitment to, like, see yourself, I feel like. You know what I mean?
[00:30:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:49] Speaker B: The commitment to be able to, like, work through your own, like, shadows and, like, let that shit go. Yeah. I feel like, is honestly, what is the. Like? I feel like it's a reason my relationship thrives.
[00:31:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:02] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:02] Speaker A: 100%. And that's, like, that's exactly right. I feel like, you know, whilst I say I don't have expectations, I'm like, you know, I do have a standard for myself, and that is to be with someone who we can help each other grow and develop. Right. And that doesn't necessarily mean he has to be into manifestation or spirituality, but to some level have this part because I think that's like, I think that's like important for a relationship to survive, you need to be able to see each other's shadows and help each other grow and call each other out and, like, bring each other to the. Being the best version of yourself. So whilst that's a standard there, I feel, yeah, for the most part when you drop the expectations of.
[00:31:40] Speaker B: It's just the. Yeah, it's the comparisonitis that I think we can get particularly with this, like, day and age on social media. Like you said you were seeing like so many different relationships online.
[00:31:49] Speaker A: Like, my partner doesn't do that. How easy is it to be? Like, my partner doesn't do that all the time.
[00:31:52] Speaker B: I do it with you and Anthony, babe.
[00:31:55] Speaker A: I do it with you and Daniel.
[00:31:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
It's something we've reflected within each other. It's something we've highlighted and it's something I'm really mindful of. But sometimes I'll find myself being like, oh, Daniel doesn't do.
[00:32:06] Speaker A: I used to do it a lot.
[00:32:07] Speaker B: Where I used to be like, fuck. And I used to actually say it to Daniel as well, where I used to be like, anthony does this. Yeah. He used to get so mad.
[00:32:15] Speaker A: It is annoying.
[00:32:15] Speaker B: Yeah. He's like, stop fucking comparing me to Anthony.
Fair enough, darling.
Do you really want that with Anthony? Anthony and I would kill each other.
[00:32:26] Speaker A: Yeah. Because they're so, like opinionated.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:31] Speaker A: No, I don't know. That's not the right word because, like, I feel like you both, we just.
[00:32:35] Speaker B: Have a lot of, like. Yeah, we have a lot of passion and a lot of preferences.
[00:32:38] Speaker A: A lot of preferences and passion.
[00:32:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:42] Speaker A: You guys like different things and you approach things very differently. Yeah, you're each other but just in a different way.
[00:32:48] Speaker B: Yeah, we are.
[00:32:49] Speaker A: So it's like. Yeah, it's true.
[00:32:51] Speaker B: No, we're working on our relationship too. Maybe we'll do another episode and we'll get Anthony here and we'll do some shadow work together.
He would actually love it. He would bring his all to it. Do you think? Honestly, Dan wouldn't say.
[00:33:06] Speaker A: Well, he's really open to seeing his faults.
[00:33:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:09] Speaker A: And he's lit. He's surprised me.
[00:33:13] Speaker B: Yeah. No, I meant like with the, with the party.
[00:33:15] Speaker A: I don't know if he'd be comfortable doing that.
[00:33:17] Speaker B: No, I don't know.
[00:33:18] Speaker A: I think he would one day.
[00:33:20] Speaker B: Not doing it. We'd fight on the podcast.
I'm a shadow work coach. And then it's like all my shadows come out.
[00:33:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:32] Speaker B: No, I'm kidding. This is just an ongoing joke with us. So funny.
[00:33:36] Speaker A: But, like, when you see relationships, you really see you. You can see that, like, having two people be very different is actually. Can make a relationship really thrive.
[00:33:45] Speaker B: I actually think that's what makes a.
[00:33:46] Speaker A: Relationship, makes a relationship really thrive. That's why I feel like, for me, like, it makes sense that I'm in a relationship with Anthony with my personality and vice versa, because, like, imagine me and Daniel together whilst you guys always say that we would be funny and funny.
[00:33:59] Speaker B: I think that they would be, like, the perfect couple. I always say that.
[00:34:03] Speaker A: No, we wouldn't.
[00:34:03] Speaker B: No, I think you would be. No, we would not. No, you would be in, like, a beautiful little symbiotic relationship. I know it. I know it with my heart. I know with my heart and my soul. If I ever die, snatch that one up.
[00:34:14] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:34:16] Speaker B: I was gonna say, he's got a big dick. I'm so sorry.
[00:34:19] Speaker A: I'm just joking.
[00:34:21] Speaker B: Or am I? No, I'm joking.
[00:34:24] Speaker A: Daniel and I. Nah, I reckon we would not.
[00:34:26] Speaker B: Yeah, no, you wouldn't.
[00:34:29] Speaker A: We're so similar. So naturally, I think, look, not that that's a problem, being similar.
[00:34:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:34:35] Speaker A: But.
[00:34:37] Speaker B: I don't think you are that similar. Like, you do have, like, different, similar.
[00:34:41] Speaker A: I don't know what it is because I feel like.
[00:34:44] Speaker B: I don't know.
[00:34:45] Speaker A: I don't know. Sometimes this is a thing of, like, when you. It'd be interesting to see, because, like, when you get what you think you want, it's not what you want.
I think we'd be okay. Like, I'm not gonna lie. I think we. We'd get along.
[00:34:58] Speaker B: We always do this. We always, like, mix and match our. Like, I'll be like, this would be me with Anthony, and this would be you with Daniel. I don't know why we do it.
Oh, God. I think we should just be together.
[00:35:09] Speaker A: Yeah. You and I.
[00:35:10] Speaker B: But, you know, I'm Anthony. That's another really funny thing.
[00:35:12] Speaker A: That's why you guys clash, because.
[00:35:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:14] Speaker A: And truly never used to say this to me because I used to get annoyed, like, the things that I used to get annoyed about Anthony with. She'd, like, I do that.
[00:35:20] Speaker B: Yeah. I always reflect that to you. But you would do it in such.
[00:35:23] Speaker A: A different way that my ego, again, like, couldn't comprehend that. It's, like, the same pattern, but it just manifested differently.
[00:35:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:29] Speaker A: But then, as you did that, I'm like, oh, my God.
[00:35:31] Speaker B: I. Yeah. I kept having to reflect to her that I was literally everything that she hated in Anthony, and I was like, well, you don't treat me like that. You don't care about me doing that.
[00:35:42] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's actually interesting. I'm like, wow.
[00:35:46] Speaker B: It's different when you're in, like, a close partnership with someone. Like, it's relationships. Like, when you're living and doing life with someone. It's. It's different.
[00:35:53] Speaker A: It's different.
[00:35:54] Speaker B: It's different. Well, I feel like that's the end. That's really everything I wanted to talk about.
[00:35:58] Speaker A: It's not a conversation about it because I think I. I think it's so important.
[00:36:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Is there anything else you wanted to touch on in regards to this topic?
[00:36:04] Speaker A: No, not. I feel like I picked.
[00:36:06] Speaker B: We wrote down some things.
[00:36:09] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I feel like just to, like, wrap up this conversation, if you want to add anything.
[00:36:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:13] Speaker A: I just know because I feel like I'm gonna wrap it up. Yeah, you've got everything.
[00:36:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:17] Speaker A: Okay. I just feel like, for those who are in relationships and, you know, have noticed, like, this spiritual side, I think, like, the best part to do is, like, the things that I like, the three key areas that, like, I really focused on, and this is not from a teaching. This is actually just. Just genuinely, like, helps so much, is just looking at where the aspects exist within you, but then also just really. It's hard. But dropping the I'm above you energy because that's, like, really fucked up. Like, that can be really torturous in a relationship. So this is just how I wanted to. Just to reiterate that they're the most.
[00:36:51] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it. It's like bringing it back down to earth, taking the responsibility, getting rid of the I'm above you energy.
[00:36:58] Speaker A: Stop trying to change that.
[00:37:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:00] Speaker A: By ignoring what's. What's reflecting within you.
[00:37:03] Speaker B: Exactly. It's like, you can't take that step until you, like, meet it within yourself, you know?
[00:37:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:10] Speaker B: You have to be able to, like, meet and let go of this part of you. And literally, like, 98% of the time, you'll actually notice that they end up, like, not.
[00:37:17] Speaker A: They just change.
[00:37:18] Speaker B: They just change. They don't actually end up reflecting those patterns back to you anymore. And it's just, like, not even a thing. And it's. It's a while to see, and if.
[00:37:25] Speaker A: They don't change and you can fully say honestly with the bottom of your heart, that it would just feel neutral.
[00:37:30] Speaker B: Yeah. It would just be a thing within you that's like, okay, cool. We've just, like, outgrown each other.
[00:37:34] Speaker A: Yeah. And even then, some people can confuse outgrowing each other from, like, needing them to still be a certain way.
[00:37:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:43] Speaker A: So you have to, like, really, like.
[00:37:45] Speaker B: You know when you're lying to yourself.
[00:37:47] Speaker A: You know when you're lying.
[00:37:47] Speaker B: You know what I mean? You know how people are like, well, how do I know? It's like, you fucking know. You know. You can feel it within you. You can feel when there's something, like being activated, the feeling, the need to defend yourself, to do something about it. Like, you feel that activated energy within you. So trust yourself because you'll know, like, when that's there, you. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just that constant practice of, like. And you're not gonna get it perfect every time. Like, there are times where I'm responding from ego still now having this mindset, knowing, like, shadow work. It's like there are still moments where I lose myself a bit and then I respond. But I'm always like. I'm always, always, always correcting it, taking responsibility back into my hands, and never, ever projecting what I need him to do in order to make myself feel a certain way.
[00:38:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Love it.
[00:38:28] Speaker B: Yeah, that's true. All right, hot shit. Thank you so much for hanging out with us.
[00:38:32] Speaker A: So much. We'll see you in the next episode.
[00:38:34] Speaker B: We will see you in the next episode. Bye.
